The clock is ticking.

For Christmas, we bought my pappy a new watch. My dad told me to throw his old one away, but instead I took it and put it on. My pappy was thrilled I was wearing it. He could tell I wanted it. I wanted it because I always remember him wearing this watch. And when he's gone, I will always be wearing something of his. Well, this watch likes to tick. really loud. When I'm alone at night, left thinking about life, I hear it ticking. It reminds me that our time here is short. And it also reminds me that my time is getting less and less each day with my pappy. He is turning 80 this year and isn't doing so well. It's super hard on me because I'm his only full blood grandchild. My entire family already knows, he DOES pick favorites...and I'm his favorite. I'm his baby, always. Because of this, we are super close. I love him more than anything and I've always taken my time with him for granted...until recently. Everyday, I feel closer and closer to him. Making it harder and harder to say goodbye when I have to. But I can tell he is loving every second that I am taking to spend time with him. I feel selfish at times because I keep praying for him asking to keep him safe and especially healthy. I feel like I shouldn't do this because he is suffering. When Phil passed away, I talked to my pappy about it. And he said, "That's a shame. I'm sorry boots (my nickname). But at least he doesn't have to suffer no more." This conversation with him, I am so thankful for. It was a Blessing from God. It will bring me a peace to when he passes. That he is suffering no more. But I can't bring myself to stop praying for him to stay here with me. I'm selfish. I love him more than anything, and I'm not ready to give him up to God. I can't picture my life without him here. It sucks, big time. All I can do now is pray for strength. And remember, the clock is ticking...

Losing a friend.

This past sunday, our school's world was flipped upside down. A loving friend died in a car accident Sunday night. Phil Walker was known for his kind and caring compassion, always seen with a smile no matter what, basically the energizer bunny from being so happy and energetic all the time. Phil was a friend to everyone at our school and probably many other schools. It has everyone's hearts aching for the loss. But this whole time, I keep picturing Phil just popping out of nowhere and laughing at us for crying over him. I feel like if he were to walk into the room, he'd crack a joke to cheer us all up. I keep hearing his voice and laugh in my head repeatedly. One second, he was there, the next second, he's no longer a part of earth. It really becomes a slap in the face. We need to stop spending our time focusing on the things that don't matter. We need to stop taking things for granted. Live everyday as if it's your last. I'm so worried about my future and it may not even get there. Tragedy occurs everyday but we don't notice it until it happens to us. I keep thinking, "What if it was me?" It could've happened to any of us. But it happened to Phil. God's plan was it was his time. We all don't always agree with His timing but what we can do is make the most out of our time left. We all need to use this for the best way we can. Phil was the greatest guy we knew. Why can't we all be like that? No more social cliques, no more popularity contest, no more separation of love and hate. I really hope this brings our school closer together for the loss of our great friend. So by the end of the year, we are all great friends and would react this way to any one of our classmates. One thing is for sure, Phil will never be forgotten. In any of our hearts.

One thing about Phil is he was a believer. I believe it is what made him the amazing way he was. He was one of the strongest people we knew due to his family situation, but everyday was strong enough to put on a huge smile. He believed in God and everything God had for him. Unfortunately, God had another plan for him that ended his life early. We don't know why stuff like this happens, but all we can do is trust. Trust in the LORD. We shouldn't be mad he's gone. We should be happy for him. He is now at the feet of Jesus. I pray he is happier than ever and dancing for God.

Psalm 116

I love the LORD, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy.
2 Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live.
3 The cords of death entangled me,
the anguish of the grave came over me;
I was overcome by distress and sorrow.
4 Then I called on the name of the LORD:
“LORD, save me!”

5 The LORD is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion.
6 The LORD protects the unwary;
when I was brought low, he saved me.

7 Return to your rest, my soul,
for the LORD has been good to you.

8 For you, LORD, have delivered me from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling,
9 that I may walk before the LORD
in the land of the living.

10 I trusted in the LORD when I said,
“I am greatly afflicted”;
11 in my alarm I said,
“Everyone is a liar.”

12 What shall I return to the LORD
for all his goodness to me?

13 I will lift up the cup of salvation
and call on the name of the LORD.
14 I will fulfill my vows to the LORD
in the presence of all his people.

15 Precious in the sight of the LORD
is the death of his faithful servants.
16 Truly I am your servant, LORD;
I serve you just as my mother did;
you have freed me from my chains.

17 I will sacrifice a thank offering to you
and call on the name of the LORD.
18 I will fulfill my vows to the LORD
in the presence of all his people,
19 in the courts of the house of the LORD—
in your midst, Jerusalem.

Praise the LORD.

We love you Phil<3

Alone.

There are some nights where I lay in bed and just think. Think about my life and my future and everything in general. Some of those nights, I feel so alone. I couldn't tell you why. A feeling inside me just feels incomplete. Like there is something missing. My life is filled with such amazing people. I have been so blessed by the people and things in my life. My life is great, but sometimes a person can look complete on the outside, but so broken on the inside. These types of nights are the nights where I cry out to God more than anything. He is the only thing that keeps me going some days. I'm content with my life. But sometimes, I just need more. Not in the selfish way, but as in, "what is the purpose for me being here" way. And my purpose is to share God's love. And help those in more need than myself. I love my life and everything in it, which is why I don't have a clue why I feel like this some nights. I guess that is just the beauty of it all. Growing in Him and getting to know Him more and connect with Him. He is the only thing that I want to seek more of and learn more of His love. I am a sinner and don't deserve any of His love and mercy, but receive it anyways. Thank You God for being there for me no matter what and giving me purpose. Seeking more and more of His love is all that I want. And that is most likely why I get this feeling of emptiness inside of me. It is God wanting more of me. wanting all of me. Jesus, thank You. for completing me<3



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xneqXUuH6U0

This song has been on repeat all night. Thank you Holly Kane for showing me it in perfect timing<3 love you!

You're Beautiful by MercyMe

Days will come when you don't have the strength
And all you hear is you're not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart
They'd see too much

You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You are made for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His
You're beautiful

Praying that you have the heart to fight
Cuz you are more than what is hurting you tonight
For all the lies you've held inside so long
But they are nothing in the shadow of the cross

You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You are made for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His
You're beautiful

Before you ever took a breath
Long before the world began
Of all the wonders He possessed
There was one more precious
Of all the earth and skies above
You're the one He madly loves
Enough to die!

You're beautiful, You're beautiful
In His eyes

You're beautiful!
You are made for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful!
You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His
You're beautiful!
You are made for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful!
You are treasured
You are sacred
You are His<3

My Summer!

Where to even begin. I haven’t blogged all summer really. Waiting to make one big entry at the end. Well, the time is coming where it is almost the end. This summer has been by far the best summer vacation I’ve ever had. And when I use the word vacation, I mean vacation. I have had amazing opportunities this summer and I’d like to share all about it.

My first and second week of summer break, I traveled with my entire family to Outer Banks, North Carolina. It was a fun trip, but nothing too amazing happened for me there. I did however get to talk with my aunt about what her job was. She is a nurse at a rehab center and gets the opportunity to work with teenagers who have come from a horrible family life. Most of the teenagers are there for rehab due to suicidal thoughts and injuries from self harm. I was able to share with her the amazing organization I think we have all heard of, To Write Love On Her Arms. I showed her the story and told her all how it got started. She said she would definitely take the organization back to her other workers to tell them about it.

My third week, I got to spend it with the lovely Mary Scott. She’s a good friend of mine from Raleigh, NC. It was amazing being able to meet her. God truly does place people in your lives for a reason. Mary Scott first became my friend on facebook. Some may think that’s creepy, but I thought it was awesome that we found each other. We both wanted to get to know each other more based on the fact both of us have been praying for tour with the Silver Ring Thing. We have texted every single day since the first day we became friends. And we are continuing that chain until we’re sick of each other. [which isn’t gonna happen]. It has been amazing having a friend that is there to pray for you no matter what is going on. Good or bad, she’s there for me and I like to think I’m there for her too whenever she needs it. I love her dearly and I love her amazing heart for the LORD. It’s been awesome having a sister in Christ. That week, I was also given the AMAZING opportunity to share my testimony for Silver Ring Thing. It wasn’t as hard as I expected it to be. Until later on. Having to go back into the state of mind of before and relive it in my head was a challenging thing to do later on. Your past is there for a reason, to learn from it. And man have I learned alot. A favorite saying of mine is this. Don’t let the past dictate who you are, but let it be a part of who you become.

My fourth week, I traveled to Tampa, Florida to visit my best friend since age birth. Seriously...we’ve been friends forever. I have a photo of me and Chelsie from my first birthday. Chelsie is sitting next to me trying to blow out my candle. At first, I was kind of nervous about going. It’s been so long seeing her (about 3-4 years) that I was nervous we both changed way too much and it would be weird. As soon as I saw her at the airport, I knew that nothing changed. Hugging her and her mom (my second mom since I was little) was the best feeling ever. It felt as if she had never left and we’d never been apart. Everything was the same. Our friendship is so strong, and I realized that alot this trip. I was able to be myself without any problem. We joked like we were 5 again. It was an amazing experience getting to see her new world. I got to see her school, her friends, her home, her ridiculous malls, her lifestyle, and her family again. Her little brother used to be the quietest kid I knew, so I was curious as to how he would react to me being there. HE TALKED THIS TIME. He’s seriously the cutest kid ever and like a brother to me. And I must say, it was fun having a little bro to pick on for a week. THANKS PHIL FOR LETTING ME PICK ON YOU! But throughout this whole week, I was also faced with challenges. God really was there to help me out when I needed it. The enemy was on the prowl that week after sharing my testimony. My testimony has alot to do with self image. Being surrounded by beauty the whole week was a challenge itself. Insecurities coming back, I really had to focus to stay strong. And surprisingly, I just received the verse of the day text that fit perfectly with this blog. Thanks Laura for that text! “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new one has come!” -1 Corinthians 5:17. I thought this fit the topic pretty well. But anyway, in the end, I really realized how God pulled through for me. I know that I am beautiful inside and out, because I am a creation of God. and I am so thankful for Him changing my life.

Coming home for a couple weeks was okay. I was able to intern some and make some amazing friends at SRT. Having to see them go back home was really hard. I miss Holly Kane, Melissa Douglas, Tarah Caldwell, and Rachel Perry a whole lot! Also being home, I had a photoshoot with the awesome photographer, MichaelWill Photography! I highly recommend you check him out. His work will blow you away. He’s an amazing dude and also my Bible Study leader and the speaker that got me saved! Praise God for that. Check him out at www.michaelwill.wordpress.com

My next trip was to Charleston, South Carolina with my church youth group. It was my first mission trip so I was pretty pumped about it. Being able to share God’s love was something I was looking forward to. The week before mission trip, I helped my own church with a Vacation Bible School. The week of mission trip, I found out our working location was going to be a Vacation Bible School with inner city kids. If you know me personally, you’d know I’m not a huge fan of kids...I’m extremely good with them, but I’m not a fan. God really challenged me to open my heart and love on the kids. We also went to the beach. We wanted to do something more for the area. So, our group and the group we were working with at the church thought of something we could do. We went around the beach and passed out free cold water bottles saying God Bless to every single person. We didn’t get rejected once. At the end of the day, we passed out 150 water bottles. And had some awesome conversations along with prayer requests to take back with us. Another amazing experience about that week was our group. Our working groups were also our roommates. I got placed in a room that I didn’t know anyone really well. I was nervous about how it would turn out. But it ended up being the best experience because of the amazing girls I was with. My leader was my youth pastor’s wife. I knew my youth pastor really well, but I never got the chance to meet her. So it was already an amazing chance to get to know her and I love her to death! The girls and I really bonded and I got to know them really well and in the end, I now think we will all go to each other if we need anything at all such as life advice. They definitely made it the best week for me.

“This one time, at band camp...” Yes, lovely old band camp was my next trip. We went to Washington and Jefferson College for a week. Let me tell you, marching band is not as dorky as it seems. We worked 12 hours a day in the intense HOT sun. I think I lost a total of 10 pounds in one week. Being captain of the majorette squad has been fun but challenging at times. But for the performance, I had a wonderful surprise guest come, Missy from SRT. It meant so much to me to see her face in the crowd:] We also started to have our senior perks for band. That is so weird to say...I’M A SENIOR! It’s about stinkin’ time. The band parents made us a cake that had our picture on it. That’s when it hit me hardest that this is my last year. I’m excited, but sad at the same time. I never thought I’d say that. But it’s true. Also being seniors, we did senior skits. They went really well, and it definitely was fun getting to act for the first time in my life. Surprisingly, I was better at it than I thought. I was able to keep a straight face! That was an awesome thing for me to accomplish. I have a feeling it is going to be a good band season. Long and exhausting, but good.

The next week was my 18th birthday! SWEET. I had fun with my adventures of being 18. I did some fun stuff with the dudes who I haven’t seen in a while. Spending time with them was a good time. We went to get cigarettes...because I could. DON’T WORRY. I WILL NEVER SMOKE. I went to the mall and got my ear pierced...because I didn’t need a stupid parent signature. Later, we drove around in a limo to visit some friends working at KFC. Then, it was band time. After band practice, I went back to hang with the dudes. We went to record a youtube video. It kinda failed. But oh well. And for reasons left unsaid, we ended up homeless. Me and Samy called DJ at 3 a.m. and thankfully, he opened his house for us to stay in. The bad luck coincidentally happened on Friday the 13th...WEIRD. But after a fun day and night, it definitely was filled with fun adventures and fun times.

My life kind of died down after that and isn’t so hectic and crazy. Except for now, because I am currently typing this in a hotel with Tiff. We are in King’s Island. On a mini vacation. We are at a waterpark called Great Wolf Lodge. In the hotel, it has a thing called MagiQuest. I paid 30 dollars for a pink wand. You go around the hotel finding certain objects and use your wand to say you found it. It’s quite amusing. And also hilarious considering we are playing the game with 7 year olds. You can never be too old to have fun. It makes me feel like a kid again. And when we got back to the hotel, we turned on the tv and Princess Tiffany and Savvy are in the top 5 for most of the categories! WOO! Also, while playing the game, a girl came up to me and commented saying she liked my shirt. My shirt is a Silver Ring Thing shirt. I was like, HECK YEAH! It got me pumped to have someone in Ohio comment on it. REPRESENT. Another fun event that happened was an EXTREME bubble bath. We filled the jacuzzi tub with bubbles...overflowing bubbles. IT WAS SUPER LEGIT. I couldn’t tell when the water ended and the bubbles started. It was a good time.

So, I think this is all there was to update about my life. It’s getting hard to think because this blog is so long. And if you are still even reading this far, props to you. I will fill you in when I have more to write about! I want to leave with a new saying I learned and I love dearly. “Change your thinking, change your world.”

Growing in faith.

So, today, I had an amazing talk with Denny Pattyn, the founder of Silver Ring Thing, and he realllllllly helped me out. Recently, I've been praying on what God's plan is in my life, and trying to give Him full control on what He wants. If it includes Silver Ring Thing tour, i would be so thankful. It's a dream of mine, and i'm dreaming a dream so big that only God can make it happen. but if it isn't what He wants and i don't make it, I'm fully trusting in Him and I KNOW it's in His plan. it's all apart of His perfect will for my life. If it includes college, He'll slowly reveal that to me and reveal where. If it's just doing ministry without college, it's what He wants. i've just been praying alot about it lately. And it's teaching me to have patience. His response to my prayers are not going to come overnight. but anyways, Denny really helped me lay things out on being a Christian, and just helping me grow in my faith. and let me tell you, i was overwhelmed today with His presence. it was an incredible feeling. He showed me a demonstration on Christianity. and how to explain it to some people. and I really felt like sharing it on here, hoping to reach some people by his demonstration. and this is what he laid out for me.

God, if you look up God in the Webster dictionary, one of the definitions says perfect. God is perfect. he said, all of us can anything the dictionary says, so why is it so hard to accept the fact that God is perfect? it says it in the dictionary right? so, God is perfect by definition.

Picture God as a glass of water. since God is perfect, think of that water being perfect with no contaminants in it. Water that we are able to drink.

Now think of yourself. I think of myself as imperfect, by example. We all have sinned. So with that sinning, we've made our glass of water imperfect, and undrinkable. If you pour our impure water into God's glass of water, it'd make it imperfect. but that can't be, since God is perfect. so what does this mean? it's saying that you cannot go to Heaven because you are not perfect. and God is perfect. so you're probably asking, what? I can't go to Heaven?

But because God's water is perfect, God sent His Son Jesus Christ to die on the cross for our sin [our imperfect water]. Well, when you think of Jesus, is Jesus perfect? think about that. name some sins He's committed. *pause to think* that's right. you can't think of any. after 2,000 years, no one can prove that Jesus committed any sins. by this fact, Jesus Christ was perfect by definition AND example. making His water perfect like God. because He is God in the flesh. now, this still doesn't answer the question, how can we get to Heaven? well, along with Jesus, God also shared His perfect water by the Holy Spirit. Now, the Holy Spirit is perfect. when you are saved, you accept Jesus Christ into your life. but you also are given the Holy Spirit. who now lives inside of you. Because the Holy Spirit lives inside of you, God is able to wash away your contaminated water and forgive you of your sins. Now, even though it says your sins are forgiven, it does not say your sin is forgiven. You are still going to continue sinning by being a Christian. but because we now have that Holy Spirit, He helps cleanse us. this does not mean you can go sinning everyday. It now allows you to use the Holy Spirit to help you realize the sinning in your life. and help you recognize it and help you repent of it. Also, think of God as water again. water can be in 3 different forms. An ice cube, water, and steam. An ice cube representing Jesus Christ...an ice cube helps heal wounds. the same as Jesus Christ, who was sent to die for our sins in order to help heal us. water, being completely clean and perfect, the same as God. steam, as being the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit lives inside of us. We all believe we have souls. but we can't see it. just like steam. just like the Holy Spirit. We just can feel it, and it changes our hearts completely. Because of the Holy Spirit, we are given His great love for us and allows us to get through the gates of Heaven.

If anyone is confused on any of this, I'm willing to help explain. It was overwhelming for me to hear and grasp, but it definitely helped me grow in my faith alot today. I hope this helped some, and I thank Denny Pattyn for this demonstration. It blew my mind. and really got me going on my faith. Praise God.

Verse of the day on Bible Gateway:
The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
-Psalm 121:7-8...I needed to hear that. <3

Everything Falls by Fee

You said
You´d never leave or forsake me
When you said
This life is gonna shake me
You said
This world is gonna bring trouble on my soul
This I know

When everything falls apart
Your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart
You´re the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart
And my strength is gone
I find you mighty and strong
You keep holding on
You keep holding on

When I see
The darkness all around me
When I see
The tragedy has found me
I still believe
Your faithful arms will never let me go
And still I know

When everything falls apart
Your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart
You´re the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart
And my strength is gone
I find you mighty and strong
You keep holding on
You keep holding on

Sorrow may last for the night
But hope is rising with the sun
Its rising with the sun
There will be storms in this life
But I know You will overcome

When everything falls apart
Your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart
You´re the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart
And my strength is gone
I find You mighty and strong
You keep holding on

When everything falls apart
Your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart
You´re the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart
And my strength is gone
I find You mighty and strong
You keep holding on
You keep holding on.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. ⁷Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. -1 Peter 5:6-7

Dying.

That word seems to bring fear to most people. A fear that even I'm afraid of. A fear that I felt I almost encountered today. None of us ever know how long we will be on this earth. It's just a temporary home, as Carrie Underwood likes to say it [I hate country...but it was necessary]. We all act as if we're going to be here until we're 80-90-100 such years old [some say young...depending on how you look at it]. We all make plans as if tomorrow is going to come and be a marvelous day in the neighborhood. Making plans for vacations that won't happen until another month or two, or even a year or two. Planning what college you are going to attend, or what job you wanna get, or what you wanna be when you grow up. Deciding which path to take, the good path or the path of destruction. We always look at life as if it's not that big of a deal. We all wonder what God has in store for us next, but fail to look at if His plan is for us to be sent to judgement day possibly tomorrow. We all see the tragedies on the news of what happened to the teenagers that were found killed, or someone was shot at, or down to the simplest thing, a kid got bit by a dog and now the family wants to sue. But do we ever think, what if that were me? Do we ever think to try and comprehend the pain that family is going through? Imagine losing someone who you love that you never thought you'd have to see the day where you had to say goodbye. Think of the pain you would have to deal with. Tragedies happen everyday on the news, but it is viewed just as a show on tv. We watch it to get the gossip of the world. Tragedies happen, yes. But what if it were you next...

What made me start to think all of this, is the fact, I was almost in a car accident today...it had the potential to be a BAD one. so bad, I wouldn't be here right now typing this. Praise the LORD for watching over me. I had KLOVE music on the radio, and my guardian angel in my car. Honestly, if I didn't have Jesus with me, I wouldn't be here right now. The car would've hit head on into the driver's side...I was driving. Honestly, it scared the crap out of me. I'm not ready to die...yet. I have so much living and spreading the Word left to do. but the whole incident, made me realize how LUCKY I am to be alive. and how Blessed I am. and how ashamed I am for the sin in my life. It was definitely a much needed eye opener to say that no sin is worth eternal damnation. Living for God is the only option we have to have our spirits live forever. and if we see someone else struggling with sin, go after them and help them find God before it's too late. Think about who you want to see again in Heaven. don't let someone close to you lose in the end from sin. I realized that if I were to get sent to judgement day, and stand before the LORD Himself, what would He do with me? I'm not worthy of His love. I am ashamed at what He would say to me. But He, still, somehow loves me and cares so much for me. I can't thank Him enough that I'm alive.

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. -Isaiah 40:18-31.

Update.

so...I didn't realize that it's been a while since I've blogged. I also just realized that I never shared my experience of preaching for the first time in my life. so HERE'S THE STORY...

well, I'm so proud to say I got the humble privilege to speak for my church's youth group. and let me just say, nervous was an understatement of how i felt. my youth group contains about 200 middle schoolers and high schoolers. making me that much more nervous. thanks to dylan for his positive encouragement. "Savannah, just remember. If you mess up......it's going on the website for the world to see!" thanks for that dylan. unfortunately, it didn't get recorded. so even though i didn't mess up, it didn't go on the internet...something with recording it went wrong:/ BUT ANYWAYS. I just wanted to share everything that went on that night inside of me.

First off that night, I was freaking out nervous, like I said, almost to the point where I wanted to throw up. all there was left for me to do, was get down and pray. Once everyone showed up and service got started, I realized there was nothing left I could do. It wasn't in my control on how much I practiced, if I didn't practice enough or what not. so, service got started and we had worship time and worship music to start everything off. I tried staying focused during music. Just surrendering and giving it my all. Once worship was over, I was no longer me. all fears and nerves, completely gone. I went up on stage, and I don't remember a thing. I let the LORD speak through me and control everything. and, as expected, because God is amazing, He took over, and according to others, I did awesome. all I know is, that was the deciding factor, that this is what God is calling me to do. He is calling me to do youth ministry. It is what the LORD wants, and no longer about me...because let's face it. we ALL hate public speaking. I give You control LORD. I hand You my life, and I Praise You for all the opportunities You continue to give me LORD. You are amazing, and I don't deserve any of Your love. thank You for controlling my life. I love You LORD!

I now leave you with one of my favorite, and a famous Bible verse...

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. -Proverbs 3:5-6

Lyrics.

Lyrics always get to me and get me through the day. Today I thought I'd try something different. I was home alone, sick, and realized my intercom was on. I hate my intercom because it always has the radio on...with country music. so, instead of shutting it off like usual, I changed it to K love, 98.3...awesome station, to listen to while in the shower. a song came on that I've heard so many times. but I've never really stopped to take in the meanings of the lyrics. I know I posted another blog about Casting Crowns lyrics. but these lyrics...MAN. Casting Crowns just seems to have the most powerful lyrics. the song was east to west. and after going through a time where I needed to trust in Him more, I broke down.

Here I am, Lord, and I'm drowning in your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don't want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight
I know You've cast my sin as far as the east is from the west
And I stand before You now as though I've never sinned
But today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way

Jesus, can You show me just how far the east is from the west
'cause I can't bear to see the man I've been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
'cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other

I start the day, the war begins, endless reminding of my sin
Time and time again Your truth is drowned out by the storm I'm in
Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way

I know You've washed me white, turned my darkness into light
I need Your peace to get me through, to get me through this night
I can't live by what I feel, but by the truth Your word reveals
I'm not holding on to You, but You're holding on to me
You're holding on to me

Jesus, You know just how far the east is from the west
I don't have to see the man I've been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
'cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other
One scarred hand to the other
From one scarred hand to the other.

These lyrics made me break down crying. Yeah, I've heard it so many times. but today, it just hit me...hard. I can't bear to see the person I've been, my past, my sin, my life of destruction, I can't see it rise up in me again, I won't let it. I don't wanna end up where He found me. being a Christian hasn't been easy, but it's so worth it all in the end. I sometimes act like nothing is wrong with me. when on the inside, I can seem broken. Broken of sin. I'm one mistake away from Him leaving me broken. But I know that isn't how it has to be. And last night, it literally did keep me awake.

O LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger

or discipline me in your wrath.

Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint;

O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony.

My soul is in anguish.

How long, O LORD, how long?

Turn, O LORD, and deliver me;

save me because of your unfailing love.

No one remembers you when he is dead.

Who praises you from the grave?

I am worn out from groaning;

all night long I flood my bed with weeping

and drench my couch with tears.

My eyes grow weak with sorrow;

they fail because of all my foes.

Away from me, all you who do evil,

for the LORD has heard my weeping.

The LORD has heard my cry for mercy;

The LORD accepts my prayer.

-Psalm 6:1-9

My day off.

so, I stayed home from school today from being sick. It sucks being sick. but there was also a plus to it. I usually read my Bible at night before I go to bed. I realized today that since I had a day off, I should read. So, I tried reading in the daytime. I realized how much better it is to read than at night. When I read at night, I'm just reading to get by and say I read. but during the day, I was able to finish all of 1 Corinthians. and grasp the meaning of it. just by this simple change of time, I realized how much I've just been "going through the motions" lately. and I hate that. It makes me sick to my stomach. I'm a believer and I should be living for Him, not go through the motions. that's not what being Christian is about. I also realized this. If you don't try to get closer to God, it's not going to happen. It takes effort. If you are struggling with a sin and realize it, and want to change it, but don't try, I can promise you, you aren't going to stop. Living for Christ isn't the easiest thing in the world, in fact, it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. but looking back at my past, I would be MISERABLE if I had no one like God to turn to and help me understand the plan He had/has for me. That's the bonus of having Christ on your side. I can find a reason for every situation now. Everything DOES happen for a reason. I'm giving it my all from now on, no more laziness and not focusing. It's time I get focused. after all He's done for me, it's the LEAST i can do for Him. it makes me sick that i don't do more for Him. that's going to change.

Lately, I've also been seeing how Blessed I am to have the people God put in my life. At the worst time in my life, I needed friends. Good Christian friends. and God gave me just what I needed. The people I hang out with everyday, I call them "the dudes." [you know who you are]. I've been taking a step back for once and looking at our friendship. realizing that when we all hang out, it's not just hanging out. It's a positive influence on me, and I think all of us. I try and imagine my life without them being there for me, and I honestly don't know what I would do without their love and support for me. We joke around alot, and we're jerks to each other, trying to be funny. but after everything, looking back, I've seen each of them grow in Christ and I hope they've been able to see me grow too. I love those guys and would do anything for them, and it means alot to me that God blessed me with such amazing brothers in Christ. I also have a few friends that I've been trying to be the same influence as they are to me. positive. I wanna help them grow in Him and hate to see them struggle with sin. but it's an amazing feeling to be able to share God's Word and plan for both of them. I have faith in them and hope I can allow God to work through me in the best ability to help spread His light on them. I love those 2 girlies with all my heart and can't wait to grow with them in Him.

Recently, I've been Blessed with the opportunity to speak. I wanna take this time now to ask for prayer to pray that it goes well and I don't freeze while preaching. Pray that many hearts will be changed and accept Christ's love for them. I'm getting really nervous, because it is my first time ever preaching, but I've had many good teachers who taught me well. I have heard many good speakers and I pray that I can do the same one day.

I leave now with this verse that has set my heart on wanting more of Him lately.

"Finally, brothers, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. Now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more. For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus."

-1 Thessalonians 4:1-3

I am Blessed.

You know, I was thinking about something today. I realized how often I look at things as what I wish I had. I always look at things in a negative way trying to figure out the way Christ is using it to make me stronger. Little do I stop and think about the positive things of how Blessed I truly am. I worry too much about things that are out of my control. I need to start trusting more and leaving it up to Him.

It got me thinking, how Blessed is my life? I'd say, I'm pretty Blessed. Thank God for my life. From now on, I'm going to try and look at the ways I already am Blessed rather than how it could be better.

Ways I am Blessed and so thankful:

I am thankful for my life.

I am thankful for my friends.

I am thankful for being saved.

I am thankful for the house I live in.

I am thankful for the fact money has never been an issue for me.

I am thankful for my family.

I am thankful for the opportunities God has given me.

I am thankful for the ministries Christ has Blessed me with.

I am thankful for knowing He has a Will for my life.

I am thankful for every breath I breathe.

I am thankful for His mercy.

I am thankful for His great love for me.

I am thankful for my relationship with Him.

I am thankful for a life of eternity.

I am thankful for forgiveness.

I am thankful for learning new things.

I am thankful for the clothes I wear.

I am thankful for my dog.

I am thankful for having my own bed [some people don't even have that...like in Blind Side].

I am thankful for my computer and all my nerdy electronics.

I am thankful for pictures.

I am thankful for the talents I have been given.

I am thankful for memories.

I am thankful for the people that have been placed in my life.

I am thankful for the ability to try and help people.

I am thankful for the mistakes I've made in order to help others.

I am thankful for so many things...

I could go on and on, but these are just some things that I have never really thought about. You always think of ways you wish something could happen. But do you ever stop and think about what you already have been given? What already did happen? What bad things have happened and what have come of it? I wanna see all things in a new way. I want to look more at what I already have been given.

It's a scary thought, death. I am most thankful for being alive. Something could happen in a split second that could end your life. How do you know if you will live to see tomorrow? Crazy things can happen.

"We should scream thank You with every waking breath. And cry mercy, mercy at every day's end..." -Ivoryline

Focus Twenty Ten.

Last weekend was by far an awesome experience. On friday, we arrived at Crossroads Church and had a worship service, which was just like every other service, pretty good to start off the night. then we went to our host homes and had devotionals around a campfire. it was cool to get to bond with some people. in the morning, it was time to work. we had breakfast and more devotionals in the car, then got to our worksite. our worksite was a house that belonged to Gloria, an 86 year old lady, that was the sweetest lady on the planet. we got to talk to her during lunch and learn about her life. her husband died when he was 92 years old. he was 18 years older than her...WOW! they have 2 children that live in the area still. she never learned how to drive. her husband built her house in 1942 and they've been living there since. Gloria was a lady that was on fire for Christ and she shared that she stays up until 2 a.m. every night. we were like, what do you do until then?! she said that she watches the 11 o'clock news every night. and reads her Bible every night of her life. she said that she made a promise to God that if He helped heal her cancer, she promised Him she would read every night. and she's kept that promise for 12 years since she was diagnosed and overcame it. Gloria was such an amazing woman and it was an honor to help her out. we painted her house, her railings, cleaned windows, and scrubbed her carpet too. some girls cut down the limbs and dragged them to the top of an extremely steep hill. after we left, we went to the school for another service. after the service, we had prayer sessions. some stations were so moving to me. we had to do activities such as lighting a candle, writing our sins down on a piece of paper and shred it to show our sin is gone, write things such as what we are thankful for, someone we are praying for, what we can do to get closer to Him, and how we want our life to be later down the road. we did all stations in complete silence. to see almost 300 students show the respect of being quiet and taking everything to heart was so powerful. you try and do that at my school and it's the end of the world. no one has respect for the speakers, it's quite sad sometimes. that's the reason why i love events like this. they are there for God and to hear the Gospel of Jesus Christ. and i pray that it was effective in some of their hearts. i know it was effective in mine. it definitely made me want to get more involved in missionary work and help others in need. it was by far an amazing weekend of worship. work for Christ gives you an amazing feeling.

I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. ¹⁷For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: "The righteous will live by faith." -Romans 1:16-17.

Ready yourselves.

I wanna break down the song until the whole world hears by casting crowns to show how great this song is and means to me.

Lord I want to feel your heart
and see the world through your eyes
I want to be your hands and feet
I want to live a life that leads.

I want to feel His heart. I want Him to help mine be pure and clean of all sin in my life. I wanna be His hands and feet to help the ones in need. and learn how to deal with situations better than i do. I wanna live a life that leads to help other Christians while He is helping me. i wanna stop being a hypocrite and stop other hypocrites. live a life for Him.

ready yourselves
ready yourselves
Let us shine the light of Jesus in the darkest night
ready yourselves
ready yourselves
May the powers of darkness tremble as our praises rise
Until the whole world hears Lord we are calling out
Lifting up Your name for all to hear the sound
Like voices in the wilderness we're crying out
as the day draws near
we'll sing until the whole world hears

ready yourselves before going to spread His Word. Shine the light of Jesus in the darkest night. it is a world of darkness where the hurt need healing, the broken need mended, and the sinners need forgiveness. Praise Him loud to help those still in the shadow of darkness. Be a role model to those in need and show them what Christ has done. He died on the cross for our sin.

Lord let your sleeping giant arise
Catch the demons by surprise
Holy nation sanctified
Let this be our battle cry

this is so powerful to me. God can conquer all the demons in our lives. catching them by surprise leaving God in control. Holy nation sanctified...that speaks for itself:] our battle cry is to remember God is the God of the universe and can overcome anything. He can help us with any situation if we just learn to trust in His plan.

chorus

we'll sing until the whole world hears
we'll sing until the whole world hears

Want to be your hands and feet
Want to be a life that leads
To see you set the captive free
Until the whole world hears

and I pray that they will see more of you and less of me
Lord I want my life to be the song You sing
Until the whole world hears Lord we are calling out
Lifting your name up for all to hear the sound
Like voices in the wilderness we're crying out

No matter how much we try to help someone in their situations if they come to you for advice, i'm trying to learn to be humble. you have done nothing. God has done everything through you. He is the one helping you help them. Help them see more of Him and less of you. you are just another human being on this earth, this temporary placement. I want my life to be like this song. I want to look to Him for everything. if i fail, failure is beneath Him. He will deliver. failure's not an option. Lift His name up to the ones who need His love. show them that Jesus Christ is your Savior, not a swear word.

as the day draws near
we'll sing until the whole world hears
we'll sing until the whole world hears
we'll sing until the whole world hears
we'll sing until the whole world hears
we'll sing until the whole world hears
we'll sing until the whole world hears

Being lost.

I just read this. and it really got me thinking.

"You believe at last!" Jesus answered. "But a time is coming, and has come, when you will be scattered, each to his own home. You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me. I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."-John 16:31-33.

I really needed to hear this. What I got out of this is this. I have gone scatterbrained many times lately. To a point where it bothers me because I can't stay focused. I have so many things on my mind, everything is overwhelming. I mean, come on. It's high school. Crap happens. But this really got to me. I'm leaving my Jesus alone. I don't want that. ever. He is God in the flesh. When I sin, He knows. He forgives me and loves me still. When I sin, I am leaving Jesus alone. Jesus doesn't want to be alone. He wants all of me. and I'm holding back. I'm tired of holding back. It's going to STOP. I find peace in this like it says. He's telling me this so that I give Him everything, every part of me. My scatterbrain and all. He is saying that I am going to have trouble. The world is full of trouble. No one said having a relationship with Him was going to be easy. I want to please Him in every way that I possibly can. When there is trouble, I am going to look more toward Him and seek the love and mercy He has for me. He has overcome the world. Praise God.

I don't know if this will make any sense to whoever is reading this. It is just my way of getting my thoughts out. I probably am confusing but it makes sense to me. and this is my first one. I'm using this as a journal. to clear out my scatterbrain.

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the place where I am going." -John 14:1.