Lyrics.

Lyrics always get to me and get me through the day. Today I thought I'd try something different. I was home alone, sick, and realized my intercom was on. I hate my intercom because it always has the radio on...with country music. so, instead of shutting it off like usual, I changed it to K love, 98.3...awesome station, to listen to while in the shower. a song came on that I've heard so many times. but I've never really stopped to take in the meanings of the lyrics. I know I posted another blog about Casting Crowns lyrics. but these lyrics...MAN. Casting Crowns just seems to have the most powerful lyrics. the song was east to west. and after going through a time where I needed to trust in Him more, I broke down.

Here I am, Lord, and I'm drowning in your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don't want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight
I know You've cast my sin as far as the east is from the west
And I stand before You now as though I've never sinned
But today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way

Jesus, can You show me just how far the east is from the west
'cause I can't bear to see the man I've been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
'cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other

I start the day, the war begins, endless reminding of my sin
Time and time again Your truth is drowned out by the storm I'm in
Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way

I know You've washed me white, turned my darkness into light
I need Your peace to get me through, to get me through this night
I can't live by what I feel, but by the truth Your word reveals
I'm not holding on to You, but You're holding on to me
You're holding on to me

Jesus, You know just how far the east is from the west
I don't have to see the man I've been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
'cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other
One scarred hand to the other
From one scarred hand to the other.

These lyrics made me break down crying. Yeah, I've heard it so many times. but today, it just hit me...hard. I can't bear to see the person I've been, my past, my sin, my life of destruction, I can't see it rise up in me again, I won't let it. I don't wanna end up where He found me. being a Christian hasn't been easy, but it's so worth it all in the end. I sometimes act like nothing is wrong with me. when on the inside, I can seem broken. Broken of sin. I'm one mistake away from Him leaving me broken. But I know that isn't how it has to be. And last night, it literally did keep me awake.

O LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger

or discipline me in your wrath.

Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint;

O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony.

My soul is in anguish.

How long, O LORD, how long?

Turn, O LORD, and deliver me;

save me because of your unfailing love.

No one remembers you when he is dead.

Who praises you from the grave?

I am worn out from groaning;

all night long I flood my bed with weeping

and drench my couch with tears.

My eyes grow weak with sorrow;

they fail because of all my foes.

Away from me, all you who do evil,

for the LORD has heard my weeping.

The LORD has heard my cry for mercy;

The LORD accepts my prayer.

-Psalm 6:1-9

My day off.

so, I stayed home from school today from being sick. It sucks being sick. but there was also a plus to it. I usually read my Bible at night before I go to bed. I realized today that since I had a day off, I should read. So, I tried reading in the daytime. I realized how much better it is to read than at night. When I read at night, I'm just reading to get by and say I read. but during the day, I was able to finish all of 1 Corinthians. and grasp the meaning of it. just by this simple change of time, I realized how much I've just been "going through the motions" lately. and I hate that. It makes me sick to my stomach. I'm a believer and I should be living for Him, not go through the motions. that's not what being Christian is about. I also realized this. If you don't try to get closer to God, it's not going to happen. It takes effort. If you are struggling with a sin and realize it, and want to change it, but don't try, I can promise you, you aren't going to stop. Living for Christ isn't the easiest thing in the world, in fact, it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. but looking back at my past, I would be MISERABLE if I had no one like God to turn to and help me understand the plan He had/has for me. That's the bonus of having Christ on your side. I can find a reason for every situation now. Everything DOES happen for a reason. I'm giving it my all from now on, no more laziness and not focusing. It's time I get focused. after all He's done for me, it's the LEAST i can do for Him. it makes me sick that i don't do more for Him. that's going to change.

Lately, I've also been seeing how Blessed I am to have the people God put in my life. At the worst time in my life, I needed friends. Good Christian friends. and God gave me just what I needed. The people I hang out with everyday, I call them "the dudes." [you know who you are]. I've been taking a step back for once and looking at our friendship. realizing that when we all hang out, it's not just hanging out. It's a positive influence on me, and I think all of us. I try and imagine my life without them being there for me, and I honestly don't know what I would do without their love and support for me. We joke around alot, and we're jerks to each other, trying to be funny. but after everything, looking back, I've seen each of them grow in Christ and I hope they've been able to see me grow too. I love those guys and would do anything for them, and it means alot to me that God blessed me with such amazing brothers in Christ. I also have a few friends that I've been trying to be the same influence as they are to me. positive. I wanna help them grow in Him and hate to see them struggle with sin. but it's an amazing feeling to be able to share God's Word and plan for both of them. I have faith in them and hope I can allow God to work through me in the best ability to help spread His light on them. I love those 2 girlies with all my heart and can't wait to grow with them in Him.

Recently, I've been Blessed with the opportunity to speak. I wanna take this time now to ask for prayer to pray that it goes well and I don't freeze while preaching. Pray that many hearts will be changed and accept Christ's love for them. I'm getting really nervous, because it is my first time ever preaching, but I've had many good teachers who taught me well. I have heard many good speakers and I pray that I can do the same one day.

I leave now with this verse that has set my heart on wanting more of Him lately.

"Finally, brothers, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. Now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more. For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus."

-1 Thessalonians 4:1-3

I am Blessed.

You know, I was thinking about something today. I realized how often I look at things as what I wish I had. I always look at things in a negative way trying to figure out the way Christ is using it to make me stronger. Little do I stop and think about the positive things of how Blessed I truly am. I worry too much about things that are out of my control. I need to start trusting more and leaving it up to Him.

It got me thinking, how Blessed is my life? I'd say, I'm pretty Blessed. Thank God for my life. From now on, I'm going to try and look at the ways I already am Blessed rather than how it could be better.

Ways I am Blessed and so thankful:

I am thankful for my life.

I am thankful for my friends.

I am thankful for being saved.

I am thankful for the house I live in.

I am thankful for the fact money has never been an issue for me.

I am thankful for my family.

I am thankful for the opportunities God has given me.

I am thankful for the ministries Christ has Blessed me with.

I am thankful for knowing He has a Will for my life.

I am thankful for every breath I breathe.

I am thankful for His mercy.

I am thankful for His great love for me.

I am thankful for my relationship with Him.

I am thankful for a life of eternity.

I am thankful for forgiveness.

I am thankful for learning new things.

I am thankful for the clothes I wear.

I am thankful for my dog.

I am thankful for having my own bed [some people don't even have that...like in Blind Side].

I am thankful for my computer and all my nerdy electronics.

I am thankful for pictures.

I am thankful for the talents I have been given.

I am thankful for memories.

I am thankful for the people that have been placed in my life.

I am thankful for the ability to try and help people.

I am thankful for the mistakes I've made in order to help others.

I am thankful for so many things...

I could go on and on, but these are just some things that I have never really thought about. You always think of ways you wish something could happen. But do you ever stop and think about what you already have been given? What already did happen? What bad things have happened and what have come of it? I wanna see all things in a new way. I want to look more at what I already have been given.

It's a scary thought, death. I am most thankful for being alive. Something could happen in a split second that could end your life. How do you know if you will live to see tomorrow? Crazy things can happen.

"We should scream thank You with every waking breath. And cry mercy, mercy at every day's end..." -Ivoryline