The clock is ticking.

For Christmas, we bought my pappy a new watch. My dad told me to throw his old one away, but instead I took it and put it on. My pappy was thrilled I was wearing it. He could tell I wanted it. I wanted it because I always remember him wearing this watch. And when he's gone, I will always be wearing something of his. Well, this watch likes to tick. really loud. When I'm alone at night, left thinking about life, I hear it ticking. It reminds me that our time here is short. And it also reminds me that my time is getting less and less each day with my pappy. He is turning 80 this year and isn't doing so well. It's super hard on me because I'm his only full blood grandchild. My entire family already knows, he DOES pick favorites...and I'm his favorite. I'm his baby, always. Because of this, we are super close. I love him more than anything and I've always taken my time with him for granted...until recently. Everyday, I feel closer and closer to him. Making it harder and harder to say goodbye when I have to. But I can tell he is loving every second that I am taking to spend time with him. I feel selfish at times because I keep praying for him asking to keep him safe and especially healthy. I feel like I shouldn't do this because he is suffering. When Phil passed away, I talked to my pappy about it. And he said, "That's a shame. I'm sorry boots (my nickname). But at least he doesn't have to suffer no more." This conversation with him, I am so thankful for. It was a Blessing from God. It will bring me a peace to when he passes. That he is suffering no more. But I can't bring myself to stop praying for him to stay here with me. I'm selfish. I love him more than anything, and I'm not ready to give him up to God. I can't picture my life without him here. It sucks, big time. All I can do now is pray for strength. And remember, the clock is ticking...

Losing a friend.

This past sunday, our school's world was flipped upside down. A loving friend died in a car accident Sunday night. Phil Walker was known for his kind and caring compassion, always seen with a smile no matter what, basically the energizer bunny from being so happy and energetic all the time. Phil was a friend to everyone at our school and probably many other schools. It has everyone's hearts aching for the loss. But this whole time, I keep picturing Phil just popping out of nowhere and laughing at us for crying over him. I feel like if he were to walk into the room, he'd crack a joke to cheer us all up. I keep hearing his voice and laugh in my head repeatedly. One second, he was there, the next second, he's no longer a part of earth. It really becomes a slap in the face. We need to stop spending our time focusing on the things that don't matter. We need to stop taking things for granted. Live everyday as if it's your last. I'm so worried about my future and it may not even get there. Tragedy occurs everyday but we don't notice it until it happens to us. I keep thinking, "What if it was me?" It could've happened to any of us. But it happened to Phil. God's plan was it was his time. We all don't always agree with His timing but what we can do is make the most out of our time left. We all need to use this for the best way we can. Phil was the greatest guy we knew. Why can't we all be like that? No more social cliques, no more popularity contest, no more separation of love and hate. I really hope this brings our school closer together for the loss of our great friend. So by the end of the year, we are all great friends and would react this way to any one of our classmates. One thing is for sure, Phil will never be forgotten. In any of our hearts.

One thing about Phil is he was a believer. I believe it is what made him the amazing way he was. He was one of the strongest people we knew due to his family situation, but everyday was strong enough to put on a huge smile. He believed in God and everything God had for him. Unfortunately, God had another plan for him that ended his life early. We don't know why stuff like this happens, but all we can do is trust. Trust in the LORD. We shouldn't be mad he's gone. We should be happy for him. He is now at the feet of Jesus. I pray he is happier than ever and dancing for God.

Psalm 116

I love the LORD, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy.
2 Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live.
3 The cords of death entangled me,
the anguish of the grave came over me;
I was overcome by distress and sorrow.
4 Then I called on the name of the LORD:
“LORD, save me!”

5 The LORD is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion.
6 The LORD protects the unwary;
when I was brought low, he saved me.

7 Return to your rest, my soul,
for the LORD has been good to you.

8 For you, LORD, have delivered me from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling,
9 that I may walk before the LORD
in the land of the living.

10 I trusted in the LORD when I said,
“I am greatly afflicted”;
11 in my alarm I said,
“Everyone is a liar.”

12 What shall I return to the LORD
for all his goodness to me?

13 I will lift up the cup of salvation
and call on the name of the LORD.
14 I will fulfill my vows to the LORD
in the presence of all his people.

15 Precious in the sight of the LORD
is the death of his faithful servants.
16 Truly I am your servant, LORD;
I serve you just as my mother did;
you have freed me from my chains.

17 I will sacrifice a thank offering to you
and call on the name of the LORD.
18 I will fulfill my vows to the LORD
in the presence of all his people,
19 in the courts of the house of the LORD—
in your midst, Jerusalem.

Praise the LORD.

We love you Phil<3