Welcome to midnight.

Twenty five. Twenty four. Twenty three.

Let the countdown begin.

When the ball drops at midnight, it will all sink in.

Thinking back on the year and the regrets that you've made.

Not a single thing matters, not a moment you would trade.

On to the next year, what new memories you shall see.

Twenty two. Twenty one. Twenty.

New Years resolutions.

You've come to some conclusions.

Are you all you said you would be?

Another chance to learn to be free. 

Chance for new beginnings, there are plenty.

Nineteen. Eighteen. Seventeen.

Breathe in.

Let it out to blow away the sin.

Embrace the change.

Close your eyes as your thoughts rearrange.

Hope in the things unseen.

Sixteen. Fifteen. Fourteen.

A fresh start you've been given.

The feeling of what it's like to be forgiven.

There's no more looking back.

He promises to you, "You're right on track."

Here's to you, what a beautiful scene.

Thirteen. Twelve. Eleven.

It's all in the past.

Here's to hoping the feeling will last.

Don't go away.

He says to You, "I'm here to stay."

When things are rough, turn your face towards Heaven.

Ten. Nine. Eight.

The cheers are getting louder.

As we come closer to the hour.

Dreams of a better tomorrow.

Wipe away the pain and the sorrow.

Stop, stare, this is the moment, sit and wait.

Seven. Six. Five.

Think of the plans He has in store.

Another year closer to ending this war.

A brighter future for the next day.

As you think back, you begin to pray.

This is what makes you feel alive.

Four. Three. Two.

Setting goals for the future.

He has made you into such a beautiful creature.

One with a story that has just begun.

This is your promise, it is far from done.

In Christ, you are set free and made new.

One.

Welcome to midnight.

Embrace the new you.

 

A year in review...

As I sit on the Port Authority bus making my way into town for class, I am left to think about how crazy this past year has been. Now I could say that this year was a difficult one, but that would indicate being selfish, unappreciative, and just plain ungrateful. This year, I was blessed. It started at Geneva College. A city on a hill. Now looking back, I am so thankful for the opportunity and all of the people I met during my freshman year of college. That sentence in itself is one that I never expected to say. Savannah in college...HA. But I'm doing it. Slowly but surely. I was able to learn so much from all of my classes there. Not only was I able to learn about the Bible, but I was able to learn from my professors by the joy they had for ministry and art. At Geneva, I most definitely took things for granted. Now being in a public school and when my teachers use the "f bomb" all the time, I realized I should have been so thankful that all my professors shared the same beliefs as me. I also learned I should've appreciated the fact I could leave my MacBook alone at a booth in the Brig while I went to get lunch. At a public school? Yeah right, that sucker would be stolen in a heartbeat. Another thing Geneva taught me was this. Love. When I got off of the road from tour, it was absolutely the most difficult transition I ever had to make. Because of that, it made me have such a terrible attitude towards college itself. It was nothing against Geneva, I just couldn't find contentment being in one place...especially when that place is known as Beaver Falls. Even with such a poor attitude, my new classmates loved me unconditionally and I was blessed to have such incredible people become my new friends. I would've hated me if I had met me my first year of college. Another blessing was the blessing of my beautiful roommate Christine. Christine and I had known each other for quite some time because of church and small group, but I can definitely say I did not KNOW Christine. She seemed so quiet and shy when I had hung out with her previously. Our first week of college came along and it was clear we were going to be great friends. She made me laugh like none other and kept me sane an endless number of times. We became so close as friends that my family took her on vacation with us. Like most adult kids, we chose to go to Disney World, where dreams really do come true. Not only that, but we literally took a train to Harry Potter world. We made sure we tried to pretend it was the train leaving to Hogwarts from platform 9 and 3/4. Unfortunately, we weren't able to walk through a wall to get to it. Oh well. Spending vacation at every single park and standing in line with every single 5 year old to meet the princesses, I wouldn't have wanted anyone else there with me besides Christine to enjoy it and appreciate our childish ways. After vacation ended, I was also blessed to get asked to go back on the road for a week with Silver Ring Thing. One of my best friends, Daniel Moore, was also asked to come with making it that much more fun. You may ask what importance this has to anything, but this one week on the road changed my life in so many ways. After being back on the road, I realized how much I truly missed it and that it may be time for me to get back doing what I love...seeing thousands of lives changed for the Kingdom of God. That one week on the road changed everything. Realizing that a 4 year college was not my cup of tea, I chose to transfer schools and enroll in the Art Institute of Pittsburgh for an Associates Degree in photography. And let me tell you, I love it. I discovered that I did not dislike college itself, but I disliked "college life." Commuting from home has been awesome. I get to be downtown everyday, adventure in the city, and go home to sleep in my own bed in my own bedroom. Before college started, I went to Ocean City, Maryland with some of my best friends as a way to celebrate my 21st birthday. Spending a weekend away from everything and just enjoying smiles and laughs with friends was a perfect start to my 21st. On my actual 21st, I enjoyed a night out with all my loved ones at the Cheesecake Factory where I ordered a Shirley Temple. It was a grand time. Another thing that happened is I grew up some and got a job. I got hired at a bridal shop where the owner had such a kind heart, but bridezillas, they are very much a real thing. And mother of the brides? Yeah, they're crazy too. So I chose to get a new job at a place that everyone knows and loves. If you're addicted to caffeine, yes. I got a job at Starbucks. I had no idea how great of a job opportunity it was until I started getting a ton of things in the mail about benefits and such that only my parents know what they mean. It's a great job and I am so thankful for the friends I have made with all the other baristas.
I love them all dearly and I am honored to be a part of another family. Well, as my year comes to a close, I've discovered how blessed I truly am. I have a roof over my head, a bed to keep me warm, a job to survive, and a loving family as well as incredible friends. When you learn to humble yourself and live selflessly, you are able to learn how blessed you truly are. I'm still learning, but I do know that blessed is the understatement of the year. Here's to 2014. LORD, send me.

Some late night poetry...

I chose to keep a lock on my heart.
Refusing to let You in.
What do You mean I can have a fresh start?
Have You not heard of my sin?

I was so afraid of what You might see.
The horror of it all was You finding out the real me.
And there was absolutely no way that I could ever let that be.

You tell me I'm forgiven.
You tell me that I'm still loved.
Even when You had to prove it by the spilling of Your blood.
God, but I don't deserve it!
I don't deserve to know Your love!

Why....me....?
Can't You see?
I can't be free!
This baggage I carry is too much for me!

I can't give You the key.
At least I thought I couldn't.
But that's when I realized...I just wouldn't.

You still desire for this shattered heart of mine.
Are You sure that it's fine?
I mean I know it's not divine.
I'm sorry for doubting You when You turned water into wine.
I know now that it was all Your design.

You created me perfectly.
And I apologize for living carelessly.
Forgive me Father for I now know what's best.
To follow Your path and to never forget that
I. Have. Been. Blessed.

Searching for perfection.

The term perfection is a term that can be found often in my vocabulary as of recently. We as a people are constantly searching for ways to reach this one goal. Whether it be the goal of having the perfect body, perfect looks, perfect attitude, perfect voice, etc. As I begin to ponder the many ways we strive for this one goal, I realize more and more how much it can never be reached. I have also realized that we are constantly searching for perfection in others as well. I find myself daydreaming about what my future husband will be like and how he will be "perfect" in every way, shape, and form. Ladies, if you think your future husband is going to be perfect, you're wrong. And fellows, if you think your future wife is going to be perfect, here's your wake up call. If we keep our focus on this idea of perfection, we may miss out on what is right in front of us the whole time.

Now I don't want you to get confused with having standards. We all must have standards. Some may be higher than others, but if we create our standards based on this image of perfection that we have created in our minds, we will never find what we are looking for. I know that I am far from perfect. Would I change things about myself? Absolutely. What it comes down to is mindset. I would love to be skinnier and change my looks. But if I have the mindset of "I just hate the way I look and wish I were prettier like them," I am going to end up not eating, checking my weight everyday, and exercising until my legs fall off. But if I have the mindset of, "I want to get in better shape to feel better about myself and respect the body that God has given me because my body is His holy temple," I am going to be able to have a healthier approach that includes eating healthier and exercising a few times a week in order to better myself. Are you seeing the difference here?

This idea of perfection has corrupted our society as a whole and ruined our depiction of reality. The truth is: we will never be perfect. And we need to stop searching for it. Because the only perfection we are going to find is Jesus Christ. His ways are perfect and if you are able to trust in His ways above your own, you will be able to find that perfection you have been looking for all along. And we will finally be able to accept each other...flaws and all.

The search for perfection ends here.
Look to the cross. Where perfection is found.

Spirit lead me.

Recently, I have been paying way more attention to directions and where I am going. I've become more alert when riding with others driving and even when driving myself (yes, I do drive...just not very often). Taking different roads and figuring out directions, I have realized that there are about 11 different ways to get to one place. It fascinated me to think of all the different routes that one can take in order to get to one location.

I started comparing this to my everyday life. When I thought about it, I realized how many choices we must make in one day. And how each of those choices that we make can have an impact in some shape or form. It can be something so small but can make a huge impact. We are forced to make choices every single day. Some major, some minor. Either way, these different choices and decisions that we make can all lead to one place.

I began to think about all of the different choices that I have made in my past that has led me to this one moment in time. How did I get to this exact spot? What decisions did I have to make in order to get here? How would things be different if I chose to go a different route?

Often times, I think too much into things and start to ponder the "what if's". This is when I remember that God has set up this specific moment and He has planned out every step of the way. He already knew from the beginning of time which decisions I was going to make. He knows every single time that I am going to fail Him, every time I am going to run to Him, and every time that I am going to try and run away from His love. And yet, at the end of the road, His arms are still wide open waiting for me. Even though I may have decided to take the longer route, He is still there with open arms waiting for me to run back to Him. No matter what path you decide to take, He is there to greet you at your destination with His never ending love and mercy. My prayer is that He will give me the wisdom and knowledge in order to follow His obedience when deciding which path to take in my life.

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders,
let me walk upon the waters wherever You would call me.
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander,
and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior." -Oceans by Hillsong United

Insecurities in Christ.

I hate my hair.

My face is too round.

My thighs are too big.

My stomach isn't flat.

My body is so awkward.

My teeth aren't super white.

I'm too pale.

I have big feet.
My arms are too chubby.

Let's face it. We all have insecurities. And if you look to others and say, "I wish I looked like them"...I can promise you, they have the same insecurities as you do. Let's take a look at the facts...

Britney Spears. Shaved her head.

Demi Lovato. Anorexic.

Justin Bieber. Works out every single hour.

Miley Cyrus. Cut her hair off and parties all the time.

Amanda Bynes. Now into drugs and crazy.

See? These people demonstrate their insecurities through the lifestyles that they are living. If they thought they were perfect, they wouldn't feel the need to act in such a way. Demi Lovato has confessed to feeling weird due to the fact she is in the Maxim's Hottest list.

If only we could all realize the fact we are made PERFECT in His image. Isn't that crazy to think about? He has made us exactly the way He wanted. If this is true, why do we so often focus on what is wrong with us and not focusing on the good? I know this is not an easy thing to do, but if we let those thoughts fill our minds daily, we are never going to be content in the image of Christ. If we constantly focus on the negative, we will start to feel like we are never good enough. YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. If you start to say, "Well, no one likes me..." These are lies from the devil and we can't dwell in these thoughts. Remember that God has perfect timing and perfect ways. So from now on, I challenge you to look in the mirror and start pointing out the positive attributes that God has blessed you with.

I have pretty eyes.
I am loving.
I have the ability to listen and be slow to speak.
I have a nice smile.
I am kind hearted.
I am easy to be around.
I can fit in almost anywhere.
But most importantly, my identity is found in Christ.

He says She says.

She says,
"I'm not good enough for anyone."
He says,
"You are good enough for me."

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. -2 Corinthians 12:9

She says,
"I'm so ugly."
He says,
"In My eyes, you are beautiful inside and out."

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” -1 Samuel 16:7

She says,
"They're all skinnier than me."
He says,
"I created you perfectly."

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. -Genesis 1:27

She says,
"My heart has been broken so many times."
He says,
"It was then that I was closest to you."

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. -Psalm 34:18

She says,
"I am so weak, I feel like giving up."
He says,
"I am here to be your strength. I have already won."

For the Lord your God is he who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies, to give you the victory. -Deuteronomy 20:4

She says,
"I'm so scared."
He says,
"I would never leave you."

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.
-Deuteronomy 3:16

She says,
"I fail constantly and can't resist temptation."
He says,
"You can do anything through Me."

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. -1 Corinthians 10:13

She says,
"I've been trying so hard, but I keep losing this battle towards addiction."
He says,
"I have all the power needed to overcome during trials."

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. -James 1:12-14

She says,
"I can't forgive myself."
He says,
"I have already forgiven you."

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. -1 John 1:9

She says,
"No one loves me."
He says,
"I love you."

but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. -Romans 5:8



In all circumstances, remember God's promises. Because He is bigger than whatever circumstance you may be going through. Look at the cross of Christ. So often we blame God for our circumstances. It's time to stop blaming and start seeking.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. -Proverbs 3:5-6

"Dear Friend, I'm sorry I haven't written in awhile, but I've been trying hard to not be a loser."

I've been thinking a lot lately on the journey I've had in my walk with Christ. Next month will mark 4 years that I have been saved. March 13th, 2009. It's crazy to think of where I've come since then. It's also made me think of the ups and downs I've had in my walk. But even when I had my low moments and had my doubts, He was still there...giving me the strength to stand firm in my faith, even if it seemed like I had no faith left. 

He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” -Matthew 17:20

All it takes is faith as small as a mustard seed. Faith as small as a mustard seed to realize that I can do it. Everyone has their doubts occasionally, but God loves us anyways. Our failures can destroy us if we let them, but He chooses to love us unconditionally. Our God is merciful, gracious, and patient with us. Having faith as small as a mustard seed helped me through so many situations. 

Some situations that I have been put in require one word. Compromise. Compromising my beliefs to do what others say is okay. One of the hardest things was to see some of the people that I considered to be the strongest Christians I knew to give into this one word. Seeing my brothers and sisters in Christ compromise for things we once stood so firm in our faith. Things like sex before marriage or underage drinking. Even the simple things like smoking and swearing. Choosing to not smoke or swear were just things we chose not to do simply to gain more respect from others...not even because "it's in the Bible." 

I found myself being put in situations where the temptation has been strong, but God's strength is overwhelming. He gives me the ability to stand firm in what I believe in no matter what others may think of me. Call me lame all you want, my God is worth it all. I'm living for You, Jesus.