There Could Never Be a More Beautiful You.

When I see this picture, I see a girl who was lost. A girl who was trying to be someone she wasn't in a world that told her she wasn't good enough. I see someone who was so desperately trying to find out the real her but couldn't because her own thoughts told her, "Try something new. This you sucks." 

All my life, I have struggled with these thoughts. I have changed my appearance so many times and sometimes in a way that is considered to be unhealthy. I was striving for someone to notice me. And when that didn't happen, I would try a new method. Having this negative view on yourself can eat you alive. In the end, it doesn't solve problems, but only creates more. I am so thankful for the thoughts and prayers that have been sent my way over the years for the loved ones who knew how I really thought about myself. 

To be completely honest with you, I believe going through flight attendant training was the first time in years that I gained the slightest bit of confidence in myself. Throughout the entire training, I didn't want to tell a single soul where I was going or what I was doing because I didn't believe in myself enough to think that I could pass. And of course I would have been even more negative about myself if I didn't pass. The moment I received my wings was the moment that I realized I was capable of doing anything I set my mind to. Granted I've had people telling me this all my life, but I never believed it for myself. Becoming a flight attendant was a way to prove to MYSELF that I AM good enough. And that I CAN face my fears. Some may find it odd, but I was actually quite terrified of flying. After going through intense training and learning how safe it really is, my fears began to finally subside. Don't get me wrong, I still pray before every take off and landing while doing my silent review (haha), but I am able to fly without being as terrified of something awful happening. To some, it may have been their "dream job", but to me, it was so much more. Receiving those wings was the proudest moment of my life, even on top of becoming a majorette/eventually majorette captain in high school. This job to me is my confidence builder. It has taught me that I deserve to believe in myself. And I deserve to have the confidence everyone has been telling me I should have for all these years. 

When I see pictures of my newborn niece Eva, I see a world of hope. I see so much innocence in such a little bundle of joy that I can only pray she never has to go through having broken thoughts. I've learned so much from her that I can only pray she can learn from her mom and I one day as well. I pray that she never has her heart broken by a boy, or feel like she is fat compared to her friends, or feel like she isn't good enough. Because when I look at Eva, I see a precious life that is so fragile yet brings so much happiness. Her smile is contagious and I can only pray she keeps that with her for the rest of her life. I want her to grow up having confidence in who she is and learn for herself that she can do absolutely anything she puts her mind to. 

When I look at the picture below, I see a girl who is no longer lost. I see a girl who still has her ups and downs, but finally has more good thoughts than bad. Since the above picture, I have changed my hair back to its natural color as a way to just be me. I have worked out in order to gain confidence in my appearance in a way that is healthy and I have lost 30 pounds in the process of doing so. In the bottom picture, I see a girl who is FINALLY confident in saying, "This is me. Savannah Jane Autry. Just another broken girl who has finally learned to put the pieces back together." 

"Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine
Says she wants to look that way
But her hair isn't straight, her body isn't fake
And she's always felt overweight

Well, little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart
And you were made with such care, your skin, your body and your hair
Are perfect just the way they are

There could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies, disguises and hoops, they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

Little girl twenty one the things that you've already done
Anything to get ahead
And you say you've got a man but He's got another plan
Only wants what you will do instead

Well, little girl twenty one you never thought that this would come
You starve yourself to play the part
But I can promise you there's a man whose love is true
And He'll treat you like the jewel you are

There could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies, disguises and hoops, they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you, more beautiful you

So turn around you're not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It's not too late, you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear, they can all be washed away

By the one who's strong, can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry, all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light, He will show you truth
And again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl

That there could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies, disguises and hoops, they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you
There could never be a more beautiful you."

-More Beautiful You by Jonny Diaz

Half a decade.

Half a decade.

Think back to 5 years ago. Who were you and how are you different from that person you used to be? 5 years ago, my life changed dramatically. Coming from a background of not believing in God at all, I'd say I've changed a little since then. 5 years ago on this day, Jesus Christ came into my life. I had never heard the message of the Gospel before that day. I walked through the doors of a ministry called pointB and never knew how much my life was going to change after that one night. The message was speaking directly to me. I didn't know who Jesus was, nor did I believe in any God. At the end of the message, he asked if anyone didn't know Jesus Christ. I raised my hand. A lady came up to me and asked if she could pray with me. She took my hands and prayed over me and that was the first time I had ever felt the Holy Spirit and had my eyes opened that He is real. And more than ever, He wanted a relationship with me. Ever since that day, my life has never been the same.

Year 1. Finding Him.
The first year of my walk with Christ was a year of healing. Learning how to let go of my past mistakes and handing it over to Jesus was one of the biggest challenges. It was a year of healing the broken hearted and letting those wounds that took over so much of my life become a thing of my past. The biggest life lesson that year was I did not have to let my past dictate my future. He has so much more planned for your life, and now 5 years later, I am able to look back and see all of the beautiful works He had in store for me. Never in a million years would I think I would be where I am today. And when you are able to let those wounds of your past be used for His glory, you are able to see why everything happens for a reason. Finding Him in the brokenness makes brokenness a beautiful thing.

Year 2. Finding peace.
Year 2 for me was a year of loss. I had never really lost anyone in my life before. So I had never had to deal with "facing death". This changed...quickly. My senior year, our class lost a dear friend to us all. I still think about him everyday, gym class the Friday before, the conversation we had in English class 3 days before, and the day our entire school was wrecked. We were all in complete shock that something like this was happening...especially to our class. Later on that year, I not only lost a classmate, but I lost my best friend...my grandpa. If you knew our relationship, you would know that he was the closest person to me and he meant the world to me. Some people ask how I am so strong; I sat by his bedside holding his hand when the nurse came to check for a heartbeat. I don't remember much after that because I collapsed and went into total shock. My entire body went numb. But earlier that day, he had given me my graduation card. He had saved up 121 dollars for me. That card still sits by my bedside. I read it often. The card reminds me to follow my dreams always. I miss him every single day, but I was able to find peace knowing that they are at rest with Jesus. I find peace and comfort knowing that He is close to the broken hearted and He had greater plans for them than we could have imagined. I wish so badly that my grandpa could dance at my wedding, but I know that he is dancing with Jesus everyday. When he died, I received a blanket that says,
"Come to a quiet place and rest." -Mark 6:31
This verse has gotten me through the bad days. We will have trials and struggles, but seeking Him through it all will allow us to find peace.

Year 3. Finding me.
Year 3 was probably the craziest of them all. After graduation, I took a year off of school to travel with a ministry called Silver Ring Thing. This year was a year dedicated to finding myself and finding who I am in Christ and all that He has created me to be. It was a year of challenges learning to be on my own away from my parents and family. It was a year of learning about my identity in Christ. The tour theme was "Image is everything." I was able to share my heart on stage through skits and talks. I was able to share my testimony to people all over the country. Host families, the homeless, and students that had been struggling with the same issues I had gone through. I was able to use my broken past in order to give HOPE to those around me. It was the most humbling experience getting to be used by God every single day through conversations. It was a year I was able to learn about myself and learn that I am not defined by my past mistakes. Those mistakes did not have to take hold of my life because I am identified by Christ and I am His daughter. Victory was received with Jesus on that cross.

Year 4. Learning to be content.
This was one of the most challenging years for me when it came to learning to be content. Tour was a dream of mine, so it was easy for me to enjoy every second of it and soak as much in as possible. College on the other hand was a different story. College was my parents dream for my life. While praying whether or not to do another year of touring, a verse and a calling changed that decision completely.
“Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” -Ephesians 6:2-3
God was calling me to honor my parents and their only wish for me was to go to college. So that is exactly what I did. But it wasn't easy. Try living out someone else's dream for your life. It's not that fun, I can promise you. This year was dedicated to learning to be content with where God had me. He led me to Geneva College where I was blessed with incredible friendships that I will never forget. I was blessed with a roommate who would become one of my best friends. I was blessed with bible classes and professors that genuinely loved the LORD. But still, I looked right past all that and complained daily. I hated every part about college because it wasn't MY dream. It wasn't what I had in mind. Slowly, God did incredible works on my heart and by the end of the year was able to restore my joy. I realized that it wasn't about MY plan for MY life, but it was HIS plan and this life wasn't mine to live. It was a year of surrendering it all to Him and saying, "Jesus, have my life."

Year 5. Learning to be used by Him in all circumstances.
After a year at Geneva College, I decided to transfer to a place that would suit me better when it came to my passions and what I had a desire to learn about. I decided to transfer to the Art Institute of Pittsburgh in order to pursue photography. I was in for quite an awakening when within my first 3 classes, all professors had already used the f word on multiple occasions. At Geneva, that would be a 40 dollar fine, please. These professors also shared within the first week that they clearly believed in evolution as well as did NOT believe in God. Needless to say, it was quite different from Geneva College bible classes. But because of this, I realized how many opportunities I was being given to share all that Christ has done for me. Being a commuter, I have learned so much about God's perfect timing and His divine plans. Crazy things like missing my bus, then catching the later bus and getting to share my testimony with someone. Or catching an earlier bus, and helping someone who didn't have enough money for bus fare. Or walking to the bus stop, and having a quick conversation with a homeless person. His plans are always perfect, and the more I think about them, I think more about all that He has done and will continue to do in my life.

If you think that it is too late for you, you are oh so wrong my friend. God has done a miracle in my life and has been there since the very beginning desiring a relationship with me. I was just too blind to see. It's not too late for you. Open your eyes and see all that He has for you. Because His plans for your life are far more greater than you could ever plan for your own.

Thank You Jesus. Here's to half of a decade.

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters, wherever You would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior." -Hillsong United

Stepping out and stepping up.

As I sit in the back of this place, worship music coming from the stage, and people's hearts on fire for God. His presence is all around me. I watch humbly in amazement that God has called me here tonight. 

Think about that.

God has called you here. 

Wherever you are currently reading this from, He has called you to that exact place for this very moment in time. Embrace it. Embrace every moment. 

I often think how many times God has brought me to a certain place and I've just let it slip past me. It was because I was too focused on letting my fears control me. I let the little voice in my head whisper to me saying, "what if?" And I made the mistake of listening instead of acting. 

What if I would have bought that lady's meal?

What if I talked to that homeless man? 

What if I chose to go to that school and not this one?

What if I was supposed to pray with that one person I work with?

The list goes on and on. 

These thoughts consumed me and I kept falling for letting my own fears hold me back. I wasn't willing to step out of my own comfort zone and step up to act upon it. 

It's time for us to quit letting our fears consume us and embrace every moment and every situation that God has blessed us with in the here and now. No more what ifs. 

Earlier, as I worshipped God, I heard a voice saying "Worship Me with ALL that is within You." 

"But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness. We have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly till the end the confidence we had at first. As has just been said: Today, if you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion." -Hebrews 3:13-15

Dang. If only you knew what my flesh was battling within that moment. The former me would have heard that voice and ignored it completely to just stand there. It took me years to step out of my comfort zone and raise my hand in worship. I used to think people would judge me or someone who doesn't know the meaning behind the act would look at me and think, "What is she doing?" I wasn't willing to step up and show them that: this is what worshipping Jesus looks like. 

But tonight, hearing that voice, I was able to fall on my knees and worship Him. I was able to step out of my former comfort zone from years ago that would have kept me from seeking Him completely. I was able to step up... and if other were watching me? AWESOME. I pray that they themselves would learn the meaning behind it and that our church would be able to show them that: THIS is how you worship with all that is within you. Fall and surrender it all at His feet. 

So tonight, I challenge you to step UP and step OUT of your comfort zone. You will be amazed at the places He will take you. 

Be Real. Be Broken. Be Encouraged.

I have found myself often alone. If you know me at all, you would know that I love being around people. In fact, most of the time, I would avoid being alone at all times. Constantly needing to surround myself with people was starting to affect me. I realized that I wasn't evaluating my own life. I was constantly searching to help others in their own lives. Being alone has probably been one of the biggest blessings to be completely honest. It has helped me to grow spiritually, evaluate my personal life, and most importantly, learn. Learning to be still. When my grandfather passed away, I was given a blanket. On the blanket, it reads this...

"Come to a quiet place and rest." -Mark 6:31

Often times, we get so caught up in the midst of the world that we forget to sit and be silent. In silence, we are able to truly hear what God is trying to speak to us. We are able to seek answers and most importantly, seek Him. Enjoy it. Listen to what He is trying to speak to you. And trust that His plan is perfect. It's okay not to be okay and to be broken. Take time by yourself in order to find who you truly are in Christ.

I have also found myself becoming anxious. Anxious about what He has planned for me and just wanting to know what's next in this journey. But God so clearly tells us to trust His timing. In Acts, when the disciples ask Jesus if He is going to restore Israel, this is what He says...

He said to them: "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." -Acts 1:7-8

Just like Jesus told His disciples, it is not up to us to know the exact dates. All we can do is trust. Trust that His plan for us is perfect. We must trust that He has us in this period of life for a specific reason. But how are we to be content in this stage if we are constantly searching for something so much more? It's okay to get excited for the future...we should be so excited that He has something great planned! But we must also first learn to be content with here and now in order to enjoy all that He has for us in the future. Jesus tells His disciples not to leave the city until the Holy Spirit comes. In this same way, we should not try and go somewhere that is not led by the Holy Spirit. Learn to be patient and wait for the LORD to show you the next step.

No matter where you are in life, or where you feel God is calling you to next, I ask you to challenge yourself. I challenge you to enjoy here and now. He has called you to THIS moment for a reason and a purpose. It's up to us to make the most of every moment He has given us. This moment. Your time is now.


"Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and my faith will be made stronger, in the presence of my Savior." -Oceans, by Hillsong United