Open your eyes...

Today, I wasn't feeling myself. I was letting the small things get to me and I was getting depressed for no reason at all. It's okay to have off days. It's just not okay to not look to Him for comfort. I decided to do a few pages in a Bible study book called Stuck that Mary Scott and I have been doing. The page that I opened to said to read Romans 12:9-21. God knew exactly what I needed to hear. 

⁹ Love must be sincere Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. ¹⁰ Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.¹¹ Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. ¹² Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.¹³ Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

¹⁴ Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. ¹⁵ Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. ¹⁶ Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

¹⁷ Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. ¹⁸ If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. ¹⁹ Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. ²⁰ On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;

    if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

²¹ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

If you ever have doubt that God is there, open your eyes. Listen. Seek. Pray. Ask for His help and He will reveal Himself. Be obedient. 

Because of some things of my past, I struggle with jealousy. I always look down on myself and think that I'm not good enough. So, when I feel left out, I let it take over my life. Satan can be so deceiving and bring out the worst in you. Don't let him get a chokehold on you. Lay everything down at the foot of the cross. God is willing. God is able. Let go. Give it to God. Whatever it may be, big or small, God will be there to help you through. So if you ever feel stuck or when you feel God isn't there to help, He is. He never leaves you. He will speak to You; all you have to do is listen. He will show Himself to You; all you have to do is open your eyes.

No one said it'd be easy...

Some people think that because we are Christians, we have this perfect life. Wrong. Being a Christian has been by far the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life. Sin is surrounding us everyday. Temptation is high at every hour. The difference is...we say no. No to what society is telling us. No to living in the moment and living for tomorrow. No to the pressure. No to the media. I believe in Jesus Christ as my LORD and Savior. He died on a cross to take OUR punishment. Our God is so powerful. Think about how big the world is. He has a personal relationship with each and every one of us. And if He doesn't with you, He wants to. So let Him into your life and you will be forever changed. No one said it'd be easy. It's gonna be hard. It's gonna have many trials. We're human. Something I strive for is to constantly be a better person. Stop swearing, it just makes you look bad. Stop having sex, respect yourself. Stop drinking and getting drunk, it just makes you look stupid to others. Stop smoking, it's unattractive. I mean, some of these things aren't always viewed as "bad" in the Bible, but it's just something that I personally think looks bad. If you are preaching the Gospel while drunk, that's like a slap in the face to God. He gave up His Son on the cross to die. Can you imagine? You try sending your one and only son to die. It's not an easy life to live, but your reward will be so much greater than anything this world has to offer. Something my parents always argue about with me wanting tattoos is it is a permanent reminder of a temporary feeling. That same saying can go for a lot of things. You have sex, you are at risk for getting a kid or an STD. A permanent reminder of a temporary feeling. If you get drink and drive, you are at risk for killing someone. A permanent reminder of a temporary feeling. It's not worth it. There is a God who wants all of you. There is a God who has a much greater reward for you. That reward is eternal life. So go out and praise Him today.

Letting God.

Lately, I've been learning a ton about trust. Trust is something that I have been working on for years and I feel can always have growth no matter what the situation. Trusting in God is one of the most difficult things at times. As tour slowly comes to an end, trust has been mentioned a lot recently. Trusting in knowing God has a perfect plan for all of us. Trusting He has control over everything. Living on the same bus with each other for 9 months, the 13 of us have become one big family. I have 12 amazing brothers and sisters in Christ and I would take a bullet for each and every person. We see each other more than a married couple sees each other. We are with each other 24-7...literally. So realizing that tour is slowly coming to an end, it creates a knot in my stomach. Knowing that even if we had a reunion one day, which would be a miracle if everyone's schedules could allow all 13 of us to come, it will never look like THIS again. Some are going to be married, some will be in college, some will be still on tour with a new bunch, but it will NEVER be like this again. Another thing that is going to be so odd coming off of the road is coming to a complete halt. We go from going going going to a complete stop. We got a glimpse of this over Thanksgiving/Christmas break and a small glimpse during Easter. When you are in a different city every night, staying in one place can become the most difficult thing. We go from having a crazy schedule seeing lives being changed every second, to sitting at home, on our couch, watching tv. Some youth groups struggle to even get 20 people to their events. For us, a small show is 300 people. How crazy is that? We see on average 100 kids come to Christ each event. Some people, they are thrilled to even get 1 kid to come to Christ, and it's over a period of months...of praying for them, begging them to come, and getting rejected almost every time. [trust me, I know...I just got out of high school]. We have been so crazy blessed on the road, I cannot even begin to describe. When we go home, most of us will officially be entering what you would call "the real world." After coming from such an exciting year, we all have been learning to trust Him through all of it. Trusting that God is in control and will help us make that huge transition. Another thing that I have been learning is placing everything at His feet and letting God have complete control...which goes hand in hand with the trust thing. Something I have always struggled with is jealousy. I've always looked down on myself and thought the worst. So I would long to get the attention. Back at home, my solid group of Christian friends were ALL guys. It was completely normal for me to be at Bible study with 9 guys and be the only girl. So, whenever one of my friends would get a girlfriend, jealousy could easily set in. I was the only girl in the group and I liked it that way. I felt I was never good enough. I felt that if I didn't get invited somewhere, I wasn't cared for. Obviously, this wasn't true at all. Those dudes are incredible people and would never do something if they knew I felt that way. Jealousy was always a weakness that Satan used to his full advantage and still does occasionally. I have always been very protective of my friends and always felt I would be replaced. So when I didnt get the attention needed, I would have such a hard time with it. The same goes for now, except I'm learning now. I'm learning to lay everything at His feet and realizing that He cares for me. Learning that God is in control of everything. Every emotion, every feeling, every situation, every circumstance. God is in control.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:6-7.

So...I will finish with the famous quote...Let go and Let God.

Giving.

Last night, a few of us were hanging out and talking about stories. Stories of what we have done that was nice or what others did for us that blessed us. The others had so many never ending stories of cute things boyfriends or girlfriends did for them or how someone has blessed them. I realized...I didn’t have very many stories of how people have blessed me besides my family. I started getting a little jealous...then I realized, that’s not what it’s about. I enjoyed telling stories about how I was able to bless someone else. I love giving. That is one of my favorite things. I love surprising people with random acts of kindness. Paco recently got handed a brand new free Macbook. How crazy is that? His host mom woke him up in the morning and said that God was telling her to give it to him. She just bought it last week. I want to have that type of servant heart. I want to be obedient when the LORD says, give Me EVERYTHING. It’s not about how much it is whatever you are giving away. It’s about the act of being obedient to what He is calling you to do. And trust me...that person’s reaction will be worth it in the end.

On tour, I like to collect t-shirts, stickers, and post cards from all of the places we go. Earlier this year, Ronnie came up to me and asked if I had found a postcard yet from that city. He bought me about 4 of them because he said he knew I couldn’t find any. A simple postcard was enough to bless me and was one of the nicest things anyone has done for me. Another way someone blessed me was at Christmas. I received all my gifts from family only except for one. Alina brought me a book that was one of her favorites. And she wrote a really nice note in it for me. That blessed me. I was always the person giving and never had experienced someone giving to me. I was in awe. And so thankful. At the last show, a lady came up to Jack and said she remembered him from last year. She said at last year’s show, she was having a horrible day. Jack being Jack came off the bus and greeted her with a hug. A year later, she came up to him and told him how much he had blessed her that day. A simple hug was all this lady needed. And Jack obviously had a lasting impact that she remembered a year later. Random acts of kindness can go a long ways. Sometimes, some people will not show their appreciation...but know that your actions will have a reward. A reward greater than anything in this world. Jesus is the best reward anyone can receive. On that note, I challenge you to go out and bless someone today.

I give my life again, every breath I have
For you are my reward
Jesus, take my life, a sacrifice
All I have is yours, all I have is yours


You are my reward, all I'm living for
I surrender all my life to you
All consuming Fire, you are my desire
No one else but you, I surrender all my life to you
All to you, my Jesus


Jesus, here I am with open hands
lifted high to you
could my heart contain all your love for me?
You're all I need to know, You're all I need to know


You are my reward, all I'm living for
I surrender all my life to you
All consuming Fire, you are my desire
No one else but you, I surrender all my life to you
All to you, my Jesus

Oh, nothing compares to knowing you
nothing compares to loving you
I'm giving my life to follow you, my King (3x)


You are my reward, all I'm living for
I surrender all my life to you
All consuming Fire, you are my desire
No one else but you, I surrender all
'Cause You are my reward, all I'm living for
I surrender all my life to you
All consuming Fire, you are my desire
No one else but you, I surrender all my life to you
All to you, my Jesus
All to you, my king
All to you

-Kristian Stanfill

A typical day in the life.

For most of you know, after graduation, I gave up a year of my life to travel the country for 9 months with a ministry called Silver Ring Thing. Silver Ring Thing is a nonprofit organization that puts on a 2 hour multimedia event that consists of lasers, lighting, videos, skits, testimonies, and loud music. The message given is a message of abstinence until marriage centered in a relationship with Jesus Christ. I just wanna share some of what my life looks like daily.

We have 3 types of days. A non travel day, travel day, or show day. Let me describe them for you.

1. Non-travel day: a non travel day is basically a dream come true...considering we don't get very many of them. This usually consists of some adventuring in the city that we are in. Which basically means sight-seeing, finding the local coffee shops, and urban spooning it for cool restaurants and good food. If we are in super small towns, we will enjoy our hotel room and stay there all day, watch movies, relax, and most importantly, sleep.

2. Travel day: a travel day means we travel. derrrrr. What this day looks like to an outsider is spending hours on end in our lovely "tour bus", which is a modified shuttle bus. It's not luxury, but it gets the job done...and we are thankful for it! Our green machine has become our "home." Our hours on the bus are usually spent by some Bible reading, movie watching, facebook stalking, and catching up on our sleep. Also, the nondrivers have to rotate riding in our truck. Our truck is what carries all of our equipment. The truck requires a CDL license so only a few can actually drive. My time in the truck is usually spent having a 1 on 1 conversation with the driver which can last between 5 minutes or 5 hours. After talking, out comes the ipod. It's cool to ride with different drivers to see what their taste in music is like.

3. SHOW DAY: A show day is our work day. A typical show day means we get to the venue around noon and have lunch. After lunch, we unload our truck. Unloading takes about 15-30 minutes depending on how many volunteer hands we have to help us. When we get all of our equipment in, we start setting up. Setting up looks like this. The girls start to set up our HUGE screens. There are 2 of them. Since we are a multimedia ministry, videos are a main part of our show. The screens are to show our videos and live footage of the speakers on stage. When we are done setting up the screens, we have to set up pipe and drape. pipe and drape is exactly what it says. we set up pipes and put drapes on them. They help hide our backstage area depending how big the stage is. Once this is done, the girls are released to do our specific jobs. My job is setting up registration. We have 4 signs to set up for registration. At the door tickets, preregistered tickets, and 2 ring purchase signs. After the signs are set up, I start on ring sizing. Ring sizing tables have 3 signs, 4 ring sizers, 2 sticker rolls, pens, and a ring display. It is usually one table for every 100 people. After that, I put the photography signs up and check signs on for ring purchase. Ring purchase tables have 2 cash boxes on them. in the cash boxes are 50 blue wristbands and a ring purchase paper. The registration tables have parent cards and 50 green wristbands in each cash box along with a registration paper. After all of that stuff is set up, we go back into the main auditorium and start taping wires. The girls tape down all the wires and put carpets where needed so people don't trip and fall. By this time, it is usually time to pray. We gather as a team to take prayer requests, talk about how our day has been, and to pray for the show and the students that will be attending. After we pray, we finish up any last minute details. I put up stanchions to block off the genies, which is what holds up our truss with all of our lighting. This way, students will not get hurt or break any equipment. After this, it's time to train volunteers. We all train our certain areas. I help in training ring purchase. Basically, we train all the volunteers in what their jobs will be for that night. Once we are done training, it is dinner time. After we eat, we usually get ready for the show. This means changing into our show shoes, Silver Ring Thing tshirts, and put some makeup on if there is any time. By this time, the students are starting to arrive. Before doors open, Ronnie and I help Mary Scott when needed and help sell merchandise. Once we hear Party in the USA or Cotton Eyed Joe, we close down our merch table. The show is about to start. At this time, I go inside and see the kids dancing and so excited. During the show, I do all of the photography. After kyle does his talk, I hand off the camera and I help again in Registration. After, I head backstage to either be the bride or act in one of the skits. When I'm done, I go back in and take more pictures. During Paco's talk, I upload the pictures and put the watermark on them. I head backstage to pass out commitment cards when the show is over. Commitments are why we do what we do. The students that come forward and get a commitment card are the students that prayed and accepted Jesus Christ into their life that night. THAT is what we are here for. God is the reason for all of it. When we get frustrated and exhausted and are running on red bull, it is with God's strength and love and mercy and compassion. He is the reason. After the show, I head inside to tear down the screens and pray there are volunteers to help us. When we tear down, we take down the screens and pack them away in their cases. After the screens are put away, I am responsible for Eugene. Eugene is my boyfriend [not really]. Eugene is our really ugly wooden beat up case that has no lid and is basically our junk drawer. Inside Eugene goes 3 boxes of drapes, 6 pipe and drape poles, 4 pipe and drape bases, 4 forks for our genies, 5 toolbags, 11 sandbags, 2 gray bins, chainsaw, sledgehammer, curtain rods, costume bag, and any other random stuff that has no place. After that is done, I help Leslie move our lovely 6 foot letters that spell out IMAGE. We load up the truck. Every night we try to beat our record. The fastest we have done with tearing down and packing up is 1 hour and 9 minutes. After the truck is closed up, we gather our stuff and head to our hotels or host homes. Host homes are when families open up their house to let us stay with them. I have met some AMAZING people while staying with them. It's really cool to see how others live and their lifestyles and personalities.

Like I said before, we do it all for Jesus Christ. our 10 hour work days of manual labor and mentally draining jobs, it is all for God. THIS is my life on the road.

Born this way...and I don't mean the song by Lady gag me.

One thing you should know about me is I am extremely negative when it comes to myself. I've always been my worst critic. I've never liked how i looked, and looking in the mirror was my biggest fear. Now, obviously I know I'm not ugly. But I constantly didn't think I was good enough. Because of this, I've learned a lot about myself coming on a tour called "Image is everything."

"Satan is a deceiver. One who gives a false impression." -Janette...ikz

I was constantly worried about what everyone else thought of me. When I wasn't worried about the only one who mattered.

"I find beauty in what you may see as ugly, because somehow Christ saw beauty in me." -Janette...ikz

Why do I constantly want to change the way I look when Christ made me this way.


But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.” -1 Samuel 16:7

Don't let anyone tell you you aren't good enough, don't ever use somebody to tell you all the things you want to hear. Listen to the LORD. He will tell you exactly what you want to hear. You have to believe it for yourself before you let anyone else tell you you are perfect. Because in Christ's eyes, you always have and always will be perfect to Him. For we are His children. And don't ever let anyone stop you from being yourself. So for all my ladies out there, know that you are not alone. We all get down on ourselves occasionally. But you were made in Christ's perfect image. So don't ever change. You are beautiful just the way you are! Sometimes, even I need that reminder when I live with 6 other amazing beautiful women of God...who like to work out after every show in every hotel...while I eat a bag of doritos. Haha, but I'm gonna start trying to exercise or eat healthier. Not to change my image, but to be healthy. For your body is God's temple.

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. -1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Bucket List.

Well, having this luxury life on the road and living out the dream that most musicians strive for (even though I'm not a musician...I still perform and tour), I figured it would be best to make a bucket list. Some are already completed, but some have yet to be filled out. SO HERE IT GOES. [in no specific order]

1. Go to all 50 US states. (in the process)
2. Go see dolphins at sunset. (happening tomorrow)
3. Sydney, Australia. enough said.
4. Get married to a guy who will be my lifelong best friend and who loves Jesus more than he loves me.
5. Seek the LORD always.
6. Face my fear and ride the Phantom's revenge at Kennywood.
7. See the Eiffel Tower.
8. Start a movement/ministry.
9. Have a black and white wedding. I'm wearing converse shoes. just saying.
10. Be the maid of honor to my best friend. AKA my older sister. (happening THIS SUMMER! :])
11. Jet ski.
12. Go to an island and present the Gospel. (complete)
13. Be in a movie.
14. Parasailing. (complete)
15. Have a love story/event that would be seen in a movie. Lame example: candlelight dinner on the beach or something.
16. Swim with the dolphins.
17. Get a surfing lesson.
18. Face my fear of fishies and go snorkeling.
19. Become a photographer for a band or huge event...maybe Passion;]

Alright...that's all for now. more to be added once these are complete:]