The clock is ticking.

For Christmas, we bought my pappy a new watch. My dad told me to throw his old one away, but instead I took it and put it on. My pappy was thrilled I was wearing it. He could tell I wanted it. I wanted it because I always remember him wearing this watch. And when he's gone, I will always be wearing something of his. Well, this watch likes to tick. really loud. When I'm alone at night, left thinking about life, I hear it ticking. It reminds me that our time here is short. And it also reminds me that my time is getting less and less each day with my pappy. He is turning 80 this year and isn't doing so well. It's super hard on me because I'm his only full blood grandchild. My entire family already knows, he DOES pick favorites...and I'm his favorite. I'm his baby, always. Because of this, we are super close. I love him more than anything and I've always taken my time with him for granted...until recently. Everyday, I feel closer and closer to him. Making it harder and harder to say goodbye when I have to. But I can tell he is loving every second that I am taking to spend time with him. I feel selfish at times because I keep praying for him asking to keep him safe and especially healthy. I feel like I shouldn't do this because he is suffering. When Phil passed away, I talked to my pappy about it. And he said, "That's a shame. I'm sorry boots (my nickname). But at least he doesn't have to suffer no more." This conversation with him, I am so thankful for. It was a Blessing from God. It will bring me a peace to when he passes. That he is suffering no more. But I can't bring myself to stop praying for him to stay here with me. I'm selfish. I love him more than anything, and I'm not ready to give him up to God. I can't picture my life without him here. It sucks, big time. All I can do now is pray for strength. And remember, the clock is ticking...