Dying.

That word seems to bring fear to most people. A fear that even I'm afraid of. A fear that I felt I almost encountered today. None of us ever know how long we will be on this earth. It's just a temporary home, as Carrie Underwood likes to say it [I hate country...but it was necessary]. We all act as if we're going to be here until we're 80-90-100 such years old [some say young...depending on how you look at it]. We all make plans as if tomorrow is going to come and be a marvelous day in the neighborhood. Making plans for vacations that won't happen until another month or two, or even a year or two. Planning what college you are going to attend, or what job you wanna get, or what you wanna be when you grow up. Deciding which path to take, the good path or the path of destruction. We always look at life as if it's not that big of a deal. We all wonder what God has in store for us next, but fail to look at if His plan is for us to be sent to judgement day possibly tomorrow. We all see the tragedies on the news of what happened to the teenagers that were found killed, or someone was shot at, or down to the simplest thing, a kid got bit by a dog and now the family wants to sue. But do we ever think, what if that were me? Do we ever think to try and comprehend the pain that family is going through? Imagine losing someone who you love that you never thought you'd have to see the day where you had to say goodbye. Think of the pain you would have to deal with. Tragedies happen everyday on the news, but it is viewed just as a show on tv. We watch it to get the gossip of the world. Tragedies happen, yes. But what if it were you next...

What made me start to think all of this, is the fact, I was almost in a car accident today...it had the potential to be a BAD one. so bad, I wouldn't be here right now typing this. Praise the LORD for watching over me. I had KLOVE music on the radio, and my guardian angel in my car. Honestly, if I didn't have Jesus with me, I wouldn't be here right now. The car would've hit head on into the driver's side...I was driving. Honestly, it scared the crap out of me. I'm not ready to die...yet. I have so much living and spreading the Word left to do. but the whole incident, made me realize how LUCKY I am to be alive. and how Blessed I am. and how ashamed I am for the sin in my life. It was definitely a much needed eye opener to say that no sin is worth eternal damnation. Living for God is the only option we have to have our spirits live forever. and if we see someone else struggling with sin, go after them and help them find God before it's too late. Think about who you want to see again in Heaven. don't let someone close to you lose in the end from sin. I realized that if I were to get sent to judgement day, and stand before the LORD Himself, what would He do with me? I'm not worthy of His love. I am ashamed at what He would say to me. But He, still, somehow loves me and cares so much for me. I can't thank Him enough that I'm alive.

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. -Isaiah 40:18-31.

Update.

so...I didn't realize that it's been a while since I've blogged. I also just realized that I never shared my experience of preaching for the first time in my life. so HERE'S THE STORY...

well, I'm so proud to say I got the humble privilege to speak for my church's youth group. and let me just say, nervous was an understatement of how i felt. my youth group contains about 200 middle schoolers and high schoolers. making me that much more nervous. thanks to dylan for his positive encouragement. "Savannah, just remember. If you mess up......it's going on the website for the world to see!" thanks for that dylan. unfortunately, it didn't get recorded. so even though i didn't mess up, it didn't go on the internet...something with recording it went wrong:/ BUT ANYWAYS. I just wanted to share everything that went on that night inside of me.

First off that night, I was freaking out nervous, like I said, almost to the point where I wanted to throw up. all there was left for me to do, was get down and pray. Once everyone showed up and service got started, I realized there was nothing left I could do. It wasn't in my control on how much I practiced, if I didn't practice enough or what not. so, service got started and we had worship time and worship music to start everything off. I tried staying focused during music. Just surrendering and giving it my all. Once worship was over, I was no longer me. all fears and nerves, completely gone. I went up on stage, and I don't remember a thing. I let the LORD speak through me and control everything. and, as expected, because God is amazing, He took over, and according to others, I did awesome. all I know is, that was the deciding factor, that this is what God is calling me to do. He is calling me to do youth ministry. It is what the LORD wants, and no longer about me...because let's face it. we ALL hate public speaking. I give You control LORD. I hand You my life, and I Praise You for all the opportunities You continue to give me LORD. You are amazing, and I don't deserve any of Your love. thank You for controlling my life. I love You LORD!

I now leave you with one of my favorite, and a famous Bible verse...

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. -Proverbs 3:5-6

Lyrics.

Lyrics always get to me and get me through the day. Today I thought I'd try something different. I was home alone, sick, and realized my intercom was on. I hate my intercom because it always has the radio on...with country music. so, instead of shutting it off like usual, I changed it to K love, 98.3...awesome station, to listen to while in the shower. a song came on that I've heard so many times. but I've never really stopped to take in the meanings of the lyrics. I know I posted another blog about Casting Crowns lyrics. but these lyrics...MAN. Casting Crowns just seems to have the most powerful lyrics. the song was east to west. and after going through a time where I needed to trust in Him more, I broke down.

Here I am, Lord, and I'm drowning in your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don't want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight
I know You've cast my sin as far as the east is from the west
And I stand before You now as though I've never sinned
But today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way

Jesus, can You show me just how far the east is from the west
'cause I can't bear to see the man I've been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
'cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other

I start the day, the war begins, endless reminding of my sin
Time and time again Your truth is drowned out by the storm I'm in
Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way

I know You've washed me white, turned my darkness into light
I need Your peace to get me through, to get me through this night
I can't live by what I feel, but by the truth Your word reveals
I'm not holding on to You, but You're holding on to me
You're holding on to me

Jesus, You know just how far the east is from the west
I don't have to see the man I've been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
'cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other
One scarred hand to the other
From one scarred hand to the other.

These lyrics made me break down crying. Yeah, I've heard it so many times. but today, it just hit me...hard. I can't bear to see the person I've been, my past, my sin, my life of destruction, I can't see it rise up in me again, I won't let it. I don't wanna end up where He found me. being a Christian hasn't been easy, but it's so worth it all in the end. I sometimes act like nothing is wrong with me. when on the inside, I can seem broken. Broken of sin. I'm one mistake away from Him leaving me broken. But I know that isn't how it has to be. And last night, it literally did keep me awake.

O LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger

or discipline me in your wrath.

Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint;

O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony.

My soul is in anguish.

How long, O LORD, how long?

Turn, O LORD, and deliver me;

save me because of your unfailing love.

No one remembers you when he is dead.

Who praises you from the grave?

I am worn out from groaning;

all night long I flood my bed with weeping

and drench my couch with tears.

My eyes grow weak with sorrow;

they fail because of all my foes.

Away from me, all you who do evil,

for the LORD has heard my weeping.

The LORD has heard my cry for mercy;

The LORD accepts my prayer.

-Psalm 6:1-9

My day off.

so, I stayed home from school today from being sick. It sucks being sick. but there was also a plus to it. I usually read my Bible at night before I go to bed. I realized today that since I had a day off, I should read. So, I tried reading in the daytime. I realized how much better it is to read than at night. When I read at night, I'm just reading to get by and say I read. but during the day, I was able to finish all of 1 Corinthians. and grasp the meaning of it. just by this simple change of time, I realized how much I've just been "going through the motions" lately. and I hate that. It makes me sick to my stomach. I'm a believer and I should be living for Him, not go through the motions. that's not what being Christian is about. I also realized this. If you don't try to get closer to God, it's not going to happen. It takes effort. If you are struggling with a sin and realize it, and want to change it, but don't try, I can promise you, you aren't going to stop. Living for Christ isn't the easiest thing in the world, in fact, it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. but looking back at my past, I would be MISERABLE if I had no one like God to turn to and help me understand the plan He had/has for me. That's the bonus of having Christ on your side. I can find a reason for every situation now. Everything DOES happen for a reason. I'm giving it my all from now on, no more laziness and not focusing. It's time I get focused. after all He's done for me, it's the LEAST i can do for Him. it makes me sick that i don't do more for Him. that's going to change.

Lately, I've also been seeing how Blessed I am to have the people God put in my life. At the worst time in my life, I needed friends. Good Christian friends. and God gave me just what I needed. The people I hang out with everyday, I call them "the dudes." [you know who you are]. I've been taking a step back for once and looking at our friendship. realizing that when we all hang out, it's not just hanging out. It's a positive influence on me, and I think all of us. I try and imagine my life without them being there for me, and I honestly don't know what I would do without their love and support for me. We joke around alot, and we're jerks to each other, trying to be funny. but after everything, looking back, I've seen each of them grow in Christ and I hope they've been able to see me grow too. I love those guys and would do anything for them, and it means alot to me that God blessed me with such amazing brothers in Christ. I also have a few friends that I've been trying to be the same influence as they are to me. positive. I wanna help them grow in Him and hate to see them struggle with sin. but it's an amazing feeling to be able to share God's Word and plan for both of them. I have faith in them and hope I can allow God to work through me in the best ability to help spread His light on them. I love those 2 girlies with all my heart and can't wait to grow with them in Him.

Recently, I've been Blessed with the opportunity to speak. I wanna take this time now to ask for prayer to pray that it goes well and I don't freeze while preaching. Pray that many hearts will be changed and accept Christ's love for them. I'm getting really nervous, because it is my first time ever preaching, but I've had many good teachers who taught me well. I have heard many good speakers and I pray that I can do the same one day.

I leave now with this verse that has set my heart on wanting more of Him lately.

"Finally, brothers, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. Now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more. For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus."

-1 Thessalonians 4:1-3

I am Blessed.

You know, I was thinking about something today. I realized how often I look at things as what I wish I had. I always look at things in a negative way trying to figure out the way Christ is using it to make me stronger. Little do I stop and think about the positive things of how Blessed I truly am. I worry too much about things that are out of my control. I need to start trusting more and leaving it up to Him.

It got me thinking, how Blessed is my life? I'd say, I'm pretty Blessed. Thank God for my life. From now on, I'm going to try and look at the ways I already am Blessed rather than how it could be better.

Ways I am Blessed and so thankful:

I am thankful for my life.

I am thankful for my friends.

I am thankful for being saved.

I am thankful for the house I live in.

I am thankful for the fact money has never been an issue for me.

I am thankful for my family.

I am thankful for the opportunities God has given me.

I am thankful for the ministries Christ has Blessed me with.

I am thankful for knowing He has a Will for my life.

I am thankful for every breath I breathe.

I am thankful for His mercy.

I am thankful for His great love for me.

I am thankful for my relationship with Him.

I am thankful for a life of eternity.

I am thankful for forgiveness.

I am thankful for learning new things.

I am thankful for the clothes I wear.

I am thankful for my dog.

I am thankful for having my own bed [some people don't even have that...like in Blind Side].

I am thankful for my computer and all my nerdy electronics.

I am thankful for pictures.

I am thankful for the talents I have been given.

I am thankful for memories.

I am thankful for the people that have been placed in my life.

I am thankful for the ability to try and help people.

I am thankful for the mistakes I've made in order to help others.

I am thankful for so many things...

I could go on and on, but these are just some things that I have never really thought about. You always think of ways you wish something could happen. But do you ever stop and think about what you already have been given? What already did happen? What bad things have happened and what have come of it? I wanna see all things in a new way. I want to look more at what I already have been given.

It's a scary thought, death. I am most thankful for being alive. Something could happen in a split second that could end your life. How do you know if you will live to see tomorrow? Crazy things can happen.

"We should scream thank You with every waking breath. And cry mercy, mercy at every day's end..." -Ivoryline

Focus Twenty Ten.

Last weekend was by far an awesome experience. On friday, we arrived at Crossroads Church and had a worship service, which was just like every other service, pretty good to start off the night. then we went to our host homes and had devotionals around a campfire. it was cool to get to bond with some people. in the morning, it was time to work. we had breakfast and more devotionals in the car, then got to our worksite. our worksite was a house that belonged to Gloria, an 86 year old lady, that was the sweetest lady on the planet. we got to talk to her during lunch and learn about her life. her husband died when he was 92 years old. he was 18 years older than her...WOW! they have 2 children that live in the area still. she never learned how to drive. her husband built her house in 1942 and they've been living there since. Gloria was a lady that was on fire for Christ and she shared that she stays up until 2 a.m. every night. we were like, what do you do until then?! she said that she watches the 11 o'clock news every night. and reads her Bible every night of her life. she said that she made a promise to God that if He helped heal her cancer, she promised Him she would read every night. and she's kept that promise for 12 years since she was diagnosed and overcame it. Gloria was such an amazing woman and it was an honor to help her out. we painted her house, her railings, cleaned windows, and scrubbed her carpet too. some girls cut down the limbs and dragged them to the top of an extremely steep hill. after we left, we went to the school for another service. after the service, we had prayer sessions. some stations were so moving to me. we had to do activities such as lighting a candle, writing our sins down on a piece of paper and shred it to show our sin is gone, write things such as what we are thankful for, someone we are praying for, what we can do to get closer to Him, and how we want our life to be later down the road. we did all stations in complete silence. to see almost 300 students show the respect of being quiet and taking everything to heart was so powerful. you try and do that at my school and it's the end of the world. no one has respect for the speakers, it's quite sad sometimes. that's the reason why i love events like this. they are there for God and to hear the Gospel of Jesus Christ. and i pray that it was effective in some of their hearts. i know it was effective in mine. it definitely made me want to get more involved in missionary work and help others in need. it was by far an amazing weekend of worship. work for Christ gives you an amazing feeling.

I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. ¹⁷For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: "The righteous will live by faith." -Romans 1:16-17.

Ready yourselves.

I wanna break down the song until the whole world hears by casting crowns to show how great this song is and means to me.

Lord I want to feel your heart
and see the world through your eyes
I want to be your hands and feet
I want to live a life that leads.

I want to feel His heart. I want Him to help mine be pure and clean of all sin in my life. I wanna be His hands and feet to help the ones in need. and learn how to deal with situations better than i do. I wanna live a life that leads to help other Christians while He is helping me. i wanna stop being a hypocrite and stop other hypocrites. live a life for Him.

ready yourselves
ready yourselves
Let us shine the light of Jesus in the darkest night
ready yourselves
ready yourselves
May the powers of darkness tremble as our praises rise
Until the whole world hears Lord we are calling out
Lifting up Your name for all to hear the sound
Like voices in the wilderness we're crying out
as the day draws near
we'll sing until the whole world hears

ready yourselves before going to spread His Word. Shine the light of Jesus in the darkest night. it is a world of darkness where the hurt need healing, the broken need mended, and the sinners need forgiveness. Praise Him loud to help those still in the shadow of darkness. Be a role model to those in need and show them what Christ has done. He died on the cross for our sin.

Lord let your sleeping giant arise
Catch the demons by surprise
Holy nation sanctified
Let this be our battle cry

this is so powerful to me. God can conquer all the demons in our lives. catching them by surprise leaving God in control. Holy nation sanctified...that speaks for itself:] our battle cry is to remember God is the God of the universe and can overcome anything. He can help us with any situation if we just learn to trust in His plan.

chorus

we'll sing until the whole world hears
we'll sing until the whole world hears

Want to be your hands and feet
Want to be a life that leads
To see you set the captive free
Until the whole world hears

and I pray that they will see more of you and less of me
Lord I want my life to be the song You sing
Until the whole world hears Lord we are calling out
Lifting your name up for all to hear the sound
Like voices in the wilderness we're crying out

No matter how much we try to help someone in their situations if they come to you for advice, i'm trying to learn to be humble. you have done nothing. God has done everything through you. He is the one helping you help them. Help them see more of Him and less of you. you are just another human being on this earth, this temporary placement. I want my life to be like this song. I want to look to Him for everything. if i fail, failure is beneath Him. He will deliver. failure's not an option. Lift His name up to the ones who need His love. show them that Jesus Christ is your Savior, not a swear word.

as the day draws near
we'll sing until the whole world hears
we'll sing until the whole world hears
we'll sing until the whole world hears
we'll sing until the whole world hears
we'll sing until the whole world hears
we'll sing until the whole world hears